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  1. Newbie
    Interested in Language
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      • Native Language:
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      • Iran
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    • Join Date: Jan 2014
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    #1

    The idea of a story needs help

    Is this text correct and if not please edit it to know what is my wrongs - Thank you

    A new story based on the recent true occurrences




    I want to start a story which happens in Myanmar. A 12 years old boy that all his families are killed by an extreme group of Buddhist, namely, 969 group ( They move unlike the peaceful Buddhists ) escapes to the woods and tries hide there inevitably. He becomes familiar with a big tiger. The tiger asks him, why you have come to the forest while you are a little boy. He tells his story to the tiger and explains, how the extreme 969 Buddhists have killed all his family cruelly and then set fire to their home. The tiger cries and ask, do you humans kill each other while we tigers just struggle and don't kill our fellows? He explains to the tiger, we humans are two groups, one group is good and peaceful and another group is evildoer and cruel. The tiger becomes wrathful and says roaring, now I am the sign of justice... I will revenge of those savage and ignorant humans. I will feed myself from their brains! The boy says the tiger tearful , but I don't think they have had any brain and if they had, they wouldn't kill my innocent family. The tiger become more excited, roars loudlier and says, so I will eat their hearts which are stonier than the rocks. The boy that is friend with the tiger ask it to stay there and go not to that wild folk. That tiger doesn't listen to him and yell, Just tell me what is the name of their tyrant leader. I am thirsty to his dirty blood. The boy is not able to prevent that wrathful tiger so inevitably declare the murderer's name. The tiger runs toward the town without any delay. It finds the leader of the 969 group and eats that tyrant.
    Last edited by Mans; 23-Jan-2014 at 07:20.

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    #2

    Re: The idea of a story needs help

    I want to start want (or: would like) to tell a story which happened (or: took place) in Myanmar. A 12-year-old boy that all his families are whose whole family was killed by an extreme group of Buddhists, namely,called the 969 group ( They move unlike the peaceful Buddhists I have no idea what you mean here)escapes to the woods and tries to hide there inevitably. He becomes familiar with meets a big tiger. The tiger asks him: "Why you have come to the forest, you are a just a little boy. HeThe boy tells his story to the tiger and explains how the extreme 969 Buddhists have killed all his entire family cruelly and then set fire to their home.

    Part 1, let's see if we get any reactions from the pros.
    Last edited by PeterValk; 24-Jan-2014 at 20:25.
    Peter
    (I'm not a teacher or a native English speaker. I'm just trying to help...)

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Dutch
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      • Netherlands
      • Current Location:
      • Russian Federation

    • Join Date: Nov 2013
    • Posts: 843
    #3

    Re: The idea of a story needs help

    "They move unlike the peaceful Buddhists"
    Do you mean they are violent, unlike the peaceful Buddists?
    Peter
    (I'm not a teacher or a native English speaker. I'm just trying to help...)

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