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  1. Newbie
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    #1

    Post Check my essay please

    Children of ages 7-11 now spend more time watching television and/or playing video games than before. What are the effects of this on children ? What are the possible solutions to this situation?


    my essay

    Currently, children consume more time sitting in front of TV or computer screen. For sure, this is a negative attitude that may yield harmful results which impacting children development. Therefore, parents should establish a routine to discipline their children’s TV and computer consumption.

    Nowadays, children miss the humble communication skills. They can not participate with friends or families such as contributing their ideas, asking questions or offering their spare time to acquiring a new knowledge in any field from friends or families. Their interesting in social participation fades away because they think their computer and TV screen enough for them.

    Also, children become lazy and get anger easily. Therefor, children these days have a considerable amount of health problems, physically and mentally for instance obesity, diabetes and high blood pressure.

    There is a quote said, “ children are great imitators. So give them something great to imitate. “. TV and internet contains age adequate content but also contains bad content that children can easily access it as violence and sexual content. They may start watching these things and practice it that may effect their reputations and attitudes in the future.

    So , I think parents must take action to find a remedy for this problem . First, they must encourage their children to wander around city with them in weekends to keep them away from TV and internet screen even if they felt bitter and bored in the first time. Second, parents must take their children to gym or swimming pool twice a week to keep them healthy and active. Third, parents should inspect TV and internet contents carefully and eliminate access to adult content.


    please check my essay for the grammars and structure


    Thank you

  2. Barb_D's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Check my essay please

    I'm sorry but we can't help you with an assignment you will submit to your teacher. Once you have it back from your teacher, if he or she has made comments you don't understand, please ask us then.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

  3. Newbie
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    #3

    Re: Check my essay please

    Quote Originally Posted by Barb_D View Post
    I'm sorry but we can't help you with an assignment you will submit to your teacher. Once you have it back from your teacher, if he or she has made comments you don't understand, please ask us then.
    This is not an assignment . I am practicing for IELTS . I hope you can help me

  4. Barb_D's Avatar
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      • American English
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    • Join Date: Mar 2007
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    #4

    Re: Check my essay please

    Please take a look at these links for some general tips on organizing your essay: The Five-Paragraph Essay and https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/685/05/
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

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