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  1. dm_s's Avatar
    Newbie
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Russian
      • Home Country:
      • Belarus
      • Current Location:
      • Belarus

    • Join Date: Feb 2014
    • Posts: 2
    #1

    Lightbulb Company description

    Hi there! Newbie to this forums here.

    I am creating a company profile on LinkedIn on behalf of the entity I work for, but, not being a native speaker, I have some doubts regarding the wording. Guess it looks a bit... crumpled? (You may call it rusky, okay). So what I am asking for is a piece of advise on how to improve it without affecting semantics etc, just changing itso that it looked more genuine for the English-speaking visitor of the page.
    Any volunteers? I'll PM my "beta" of the text to those who would be willing to help.

    Thanks

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 41,868
    #2

    Re: Company description

    Welcome to the forum, dm_s.

    We don't help by PM. If you would like to post the profile here (in the Editing and Writing Topics section, not in the CVs, Resumes and Applications section where you originally put it), in public, everyone will be able to see it and comment. You can omit the name of the company or anything you think would identify it if you want to keep the company name secret.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  3. dm_s's Avatar
    Newbie
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Russian
      • Home Country:
      • Belarus
      • Current Location:
      • Belarus

    • Join Date: Feb 2014
    • Posts: 2
    #3

    Re: Company description

    Thanks!

    Here's my version of the text,



    Welcome to *****'s home on LinkedIn!

    ***** - a Belarus-based team of high-profile specialists absolutely devoted to making mobile games.
    Founded in 2013, ***** became fastest growing IT-business in Europe releasing several global App Store-toppers. Utilizing the cutting-edge development solutions, ****** builds on the progress and continues to expand reaching out to more users worldwide.

    Loaded with ideas that will change the gaming industry, ***** works to turn them into reality. The mission of the company is to create games that make the difference and deliver ultimate fun to the world of mobile.

    ***** invents to entertain. And every single user matters.
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 04-Feb-2014 at 13:53. Reason: Removed the Quote box and one mention of the company name

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