how would u rate this writing assignment

[dalia2334]

Leaders like John Kennedy and Martin Luther king have made important contribution to the pople in the united states. Name another world leader you think is important. Give specific reasons for your choice.
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(ANSWER)

The history is rich with a lot of leaders of all types, political, spiritual, artistic .. etc. Each of them have had affected his community in a way or another. Sometimes the impact of the leader extend beyond the boundaries of his own community to spread all over the world.

My best example for such a leader is the Great Mahatma Ghandi. An Indian lawyer who never gave up to get the freedom for himself and his people peacefully. Ghandi encourage his people to resist and never give up to achieve their freedom not by war or any aggressive way but peacefully by completely being independent and reject any kind of external support from their occupier.

Ghandi set a role model for his people and the whole world to follow. He called for Peace and Freedom. However, sometimes the two terms are hard to achieve at the same time. As in many stories in the history we find that the only way for people to get their freedom was by war and fight years after years.

Ghandi peacefully fought for his case and no matter how hard or seemingly insane and irrational not to react as harshly as they have been treated, he kept calm and opposed any attempt to start a war with their enemies but at the same time never accept or stop resisting the presence of foreigners governing and using up the resources of his country.

Ghandi was an educated person. As a lawyer he was able to make a lot of money just by practicing his job and live a comfortable maybe even fancy life. Nevertheless Ghandi never get detached from his people. He followed a life style exactly the same as the poor, he worked simple jobs for his food and living just to set example to follow for the others. for everything he asked his people to do he applied it to himself first.

So, in my opinion Ghandi is a genuine kind of leader, that the impact of his ethics, way of thinking and behaviour were not only limited to his country but an example to follow all over the world.

 

[MikeNewYork]

Leaders like John Kennedy and Martin Luther king have made important contribution to the pople in the united states. Name another world leader you think is important. Give specific reasons for your choice.
=========================================================================================
(ANSWER)

The history is rich with a lot of leaders of all types, political, spiritual, artistic .. etc. Each of them have had affected his community in a way or another. Sometimes the impact of the leader extend beyond the boundaries of his own community to spread all over the world.

My best example for such a leader is the Great Mahatma Ghandi. An Indian lawyer who never gave up to get the freedom for himself and his people peacefully. Ghandi encourage his people to resist and never give up to achieve their freedom not by war or any aggressive way but peacefully by completely being independent and reject any kind of external support from their occupier.

Ghandi set a role model for his people and the whole world to follow. He called for Peace and Freedom. However, sometimes the two terms are hard to achieve at the same time. As in many stories in the history we find that the only way for people to get their freedom was by war and fight years after years.

Ghandi peacefully fought for his case and no matter how hard or seemingly insane and irrational not to react as harshly as they have been treated, he kept calm and opposed any attempt to start a war with their enemies but at the same time never accept or stop resisting the presence of foreigners governing and using up the resources of his country.

Ghandi was an educated person. As a lawyer he was able to make a lot of money just by practicing his job and live a comfortable maybe even fancy life. Nevertheless Ghandi never get detached from his people. He followed a life style exactly the same as the poor, he worked simple jobs for his food and living just to set example to follow for the others. for everything he asked his people to do he applied it to himself first.

So, in my opinion Ghandi is a genuine kind of leader, that the impact of his ethics, way of thinking and behaviour were not only limited to his country but an example to follow all over the world.

Is this a classroom assignment?

 

[dalia2334]

Is this a classroom assignment?

No, i should be taking the toefl in a month or so,I'm training myself for the writing section and wanna know how I'm doing !!

 

[emsr2d2]

Well, for a start, using non-standard English in any piece of writing is not acceptable on this forum or in an essay. In your title, you used "u" instead of "you" and in your last post, you used "wanna" instead of "want to". You should get into the habit of writing correct English at all times so that it comes more naturally to you in an exam situation.

The first line of your practice essay reads:

"Leaders like John Kennedy and Martin Luther king have made important contribution to the pople in the united states."

There are five errors in that one sentence. Go back to your essay, look at it very carefully and make relevant corrections. We are happy to correct the grammar but if you are taking the TOEFL in a month, you should be using correct spelling and capitalisation by now.

 

[dalia2334]

well I reviewed my essay, I did some fine corrections but still not sure if it is ok ??
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The history is rich with a lot of leaders of all types, political, spiritual, artistic .. etc. Each of them have had affected his community in one way or another. Sometimes the impact of the leader extend beyond the boundaries of his own community to spread all over the world.

My best example for such a leader is the Great Mahatma Ghandi. An Indian lawyer who never gave up to get the freedom for himself and his people peacefully. Ghandi encouraged his people to resist and never give up to achieve their freedom not by war or any aggressive way but peacefully by completely being independent and reject any kind of external support from their occupier.

Ghandi sat a role model for his people and the whole world to follow. He called for Peace and Freedom. However, sometimes the two terms are hard to achieve at the same time. As in many stories in the history we find that the only way for people to get their freedom was by war and fight years after years.

Ghandi peacefully fought for his case and no matter how hard or seemingly insane and irrational not to react as harshly as they have been treated, he kept calm and opposed any attempt to start a war with their enemies but at the same time never accepted or stopped resisting the presence of foreigners governing and using up the resources of his country.

Ghandi was an educated person. As a lawyer he was able to make a lot of money just by practicing his job and live a comfortable maybe even fancy life. Nevertheless, Ghandi never got detached from his people. He followed a life style exactly the same as the poor, he worked simple jobs for his food and living just to set an example to follow for the others. For everything he asked his people to do he applied it to himself first.

So, in my opinion Ghandi is a genuine kind of leader, that the impact of his ethics, way of thinking and behavior were not only limited to his country but an example to follow all over the world.

 

[Raymott]

Well I reviewed my essay, I did some fine corrections but still not sure if it is OK. [STRIKE]??[/STRIKE]
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The fact that you are still unsure if it's OK is not a question. If it were, it would need only one question mark.

[STRIKE]The [/STRIKE]History is rich with [STRIKE]a lot of[/STRIKE] leaders of all types, political, spiritual, artistic .. etc.
Two dots is not a punctuation mark. You could use an ellipsis (...) there, or 'etc.' But both together are not necessary.

Each of them [STRIKE]have had[/STRIKE] has affected his [no females?] community in one way or another. Sometimes the impact of the leader extends beyond the boundaries of his own community to spread all over the world.

My best example [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] of such a leader is the great Mahatma [STRIKE]Ghandi[/STRIKE] Gandhi, an Indian lawyer who never gave up [STRIKE]to get[/STRIKE] seeking [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] freedom for himself and his people peacefully.

There are a few suggestions. Your essay is mostly understandable, but you will lose a lot of marks for lack of attention to details.
Try to spell proper names correctly, especially if they are the main subject of your essay.