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    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Persian
      • Home Country:
      • Iran
      • Current Location:
      • Iran

    • Join Date: Feb 2014
    • Posts: 3
    #1

    Please correct my essay.

    Holidays honor people or events. If you could create a new holiday, what person or event would it honor and how would you want people to celebrate it? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
    There are a lot of holidays listed in each countryís calendar which are celebrated by most people living in that country. Some of these holidays are same in some countries; however, some of them are particularly for special countries such as religious holidays. In Iranís calendar, there is not any holiday for reminding and celebrating health; i.e. a holiday for health is missed. Therefore, it is more preferable to add a holiday relative to health such as the day of health. This holiday should have some properties to benefit people significantly.

    Firstly, this holiday must be held monthly. Compared to another holidays it should be more healthy. Instead of going to the cinema, watching movies, or throwing a party they can go to the nearest park in their living community, so they can enjoy resting, bicycling, jugging, and walking along with their family members. Therefore, due to the fact that being in healthy situation is significantly important; it would be extremely beneficial if this holiday held monthly.

    Secondly, in contrast to other holidays and ceremonies, Day of Health will not cost a fortune, for people do not have to prepare a gift for their friends or family members. As this holiday will not be as expensive as other commercial holidays such as Valentine day or Christmas eve are, people would be encouraged enough to celebrate it.

    Finally, these days, career is of great importance in modern families, in order to earning money by the bread winner of the family; consequently, parents, in particular, are completely exhausted by their routine works and responsibilities. Employed people would relieve from stressesí of their profession dramatically, after having a pleasant time within the nature with their family. Thus, after Day of Health, people will go to their work completely refreshed.

    To put in a nutshell, properties of monthly Day of Health: being pleasurable, being cheap, relieving from stress make this holiday entirely unlike the other commercial holidays. In my opinion, although in some holidays we do not have to go to work, they are so stressful, because we have to be able to afford their expenses. Therefore, enjoying this holiday not only is not stressful but also is pleasing.

  1. emsr2d2's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 41,830
    #2

    Re: Please correct my essay.

    Welcome to the forum.

    When will you submit your essay to your teacher/tutor?
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Persian
      • Home Country:
      • Iran
      • Current Location:
      • Iran

    • Join Date: Feb 2014
    • Posts: 3
    #3

    Smile Re: Please correct my essay.

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    Welcome to the forum.

    When will you submit your essay to your teacher/tutor?
    Actually, I am new in this forum and I am not familiar with it. I have already submitted an essay!
    Do I have to have a teacher here? I thought if I submit an essay, everybody who is good at English can see it and correct it!
    Please let me know the way I can use this site. :)

    Thanks.

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 41,830
    #4

    Re: Please correct my essay.

    I was talking about your current English teacher. Are you learning English at formal classes? Do you have a teacher or tutor with whom you attend formal classes?
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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