Bachelor thesis Abstract proofread ( 200 words )

[DaNinjaSquirrel]

Greetings, i'm a Medical Engineering student currently writin my bachelor theses.
Im almost finished with my writing, i just need to add an english "Abstract" . Since my written english is NOT the best (and also considering that i need to use a decent amount of technical terms i never used before ), I hope someone could proofread that short text and give me a feedback.

I hope it is ok to not elaborate the topic of my theses .
(Since this "Abstract" should be designed introduce the reader to the topic)

"This bachelor theses contains the analysis of the current state ofcommunication protocols in open heart surgery, and the possibleapplication of communication rules formulated by the air trafficcontrol.
This bachelor thesis was formed in collaboration with theHerz-Neuro-Zentrum Bodensee ( Swiss ) and the Herz-Zentrum-Bodensee(GER ).


Themain task was the recording of the current state of communicationprotocols in open heart surgery assisted by heart-lung machinefollowed via the application of existing air-ground communicationprotocols on these.
Byperforming this, the possibility of optimizing these recordedcommunication protocols was researched.
Through said optimization, the training of new medical staff, as well as theincorporation of external service providers such as perfusionservices could be notably simplified.

The latter of which plays an important role in hospital management,considering the increasing amount of outsourcing.
Initially,by attending several open heart surgery’s, data was recorded inwriting and subsequently analyzed. The gained information then wascompared to an beforehand selected set of existing air-groundcommunication regulations.

Ultimately,the data gained during this process was used to shape an firstapproach on regulations of communication systems in open heartsurgery.
Nevertheless,further research using and elaborating this attempt is a necessity. "

 

[konungursvia]

"This bachelor thesis analyses the current state of communication protocols in open heart surgery, as well as the possible application of communication rules formulated in the field of air traffic control.
The was completed in collaboration with the Herz-Neuro-Zentrum Bodensee (CH) and the Herz-Zentrum-Bodensee (D).

The principal aim was to examine the current state of communication protocols in open heart surgery assisted by a heart-lung machine, followed with an attempt at applying existing air-ground communication protocols in such surgery.
Thus, the possibility of optimizing the communication protocols under study was considered.
Such an optimization promises a number of benefits, such as facilitating the training of new medical staff, as well as simplifying the incorporation of external service providers such as perfusion services.

The latter play an important role in hospital management, as outsourcing is on the increase in this context.
Methodology: attending several open heart surgeries, data were recorded and subsequently analyzed. This information was then compared to a previously selected set of existing air-ground communication regulations.

Ultimately, the data gained during this process was used to shape a first approach to the regulations of communication systems in open heart surgery.
Nevertheless, further research on such an attempt would be necessary in order to gain more definitive results."

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