Re: 【poem】 Can you correct my translation? THANKS!!!

Originally Posted by
dodonaomik
I like one a poem (no comma required here) which was written by fairy poet______Li Bai (a Chinese poet, 701-762).
I want to translate it into English (no comma required here) and I hope teachers can put it right.
Thanks a lot!!! No exclamation marks were required at all but if you really want to use one, then one is enough.
Heartfelt uneasiness about old friend Wang Chang-lin
1) Catkins wafts in air and drifts in flow,
I can hear cuckoos wailing in a plaintive whine,
2) You will be degraded to Long-biao by
an arduous tramping over hill and dale.
3) Entrust my heart of grief and worrit to bright moon,
4) Let it effulge you to the west of Ye-lang,
with gusts of wind blow.
PS:
I) Wang chang-lin and Li Bai were very good firiends friends (no comma required here) and they are both very famous poets in China.
II) Ye-lang is a country in ancient China, and it belongs to a minority nationality area.
III) Long-biao is an ancient town, now called Qian-cheng in Huai-hua, a city in the west of Hunan Province.
My first question is "What is a fairy poet?"
1. Catkins is plural so the two verbs in the first line need to agree with it.
2. I don't know what you mean by "You will be degraded to". How can someone be degraded to the name of an ancient town.
3. What is "worrit"? I would put "the" before "bright moon".
4. What is "effulge"? I don't know why "blow" is there. You could just say "with gusts of wind". If you need to add a verb, then "blowing" would work.
Of course, we have no idea if this is a good translation from Chinese because a) we don't have the Chinese version and b) even if we did, the majority of us wouldn't be able to read it anyway. All I have done is look at the English you have used. Poetry is not always easy to judge because it uses unusual and flowery language and is sometimes written to fit the rhythm and the cadence.
Also see the amendments I made to the rest of your post in red.
Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.