[Essay] Motivation statement for the UN

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Alicedela

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Post deleted, as quoted in full in post #2
 
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Alicedela

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First time using the site...

İ am seeking opinions corrections, any suggestions that may be helpfull. Thank you!!!!
İ can definetly say that i had a very fortunate childhood. Growing up in Turkey, going to a french school, having a very select group of friends, basically living in a bubble that was protecting me from the outside world. Today, my life is not so different. İ live and work in Nyc, where small things can quickly become big problems, if not seen from the right perspective.
İ was lucky enough to learn couple different languages from young age, to travel and also to live in different countries. There is nothing i love more than travelling, meeting new people and submerging myself in a different culture. İ believe it's a very special expericence that expands your vision of the world.
Turning 27 years old in a week, i come to realize that i do not want to lead the life i am leading today. İ have no desire to work for a billion dollar corporation to help them make more billions. İ would like to be a part of something different, something that matters.
İ have had many volunteering experiences; from tutoring immigrant kids to helping seniors, from spending time with homeless people to visiting addicts on holidays. Each of these gave me a fullfilement no other job did.
İ would love to take this passion to the next level and start doing it profesionally.
İ have no doubt that being a unv wont be easy. Many obstacles will have to be surpassed but i am up for the challenge.
İ believe my multicultural past, my education and my passion for volunteering will make me a great asset for the united nation's volunteers. This position will allow me to become the person i want to be in life and work for a cause i care deeply. İt will help me surpass everyday problems and focus on what really matters. İ would be honored to be a part of an organisation like the united nations.
After all like Dalai Lama once said " it is not enough to be compassionate, we must act".



thank you for all your help in advance!!
 

Raymott

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İ [A dotted capital I is interesting, and a refreshing change from the plain lower case 'i' (as far as errors go), but it's not English] can definetly say that i had a very fortunate childhood. Growing up in Turkey, going to a french school, having a very select group of friends, basically living in a bubble that was protecting me from the outside world. [<- Not a sentence] Today, my life is not so different. İ live and work in NYC, where small things can quickly become big problems, if not seen from the right perspective.
İ was lucky enough to learn a couple of different languages from a young age, to travel and also to live in different countries. There is nothing i love more than travelling, meeting new people and submerging myself in a different culture. İ believe it's a very special expericence that expands your vision of the world.
Turning 27 [STRIKE]years old[/STRIKE] in a week, i [All these need capitalisation, with a non-dotted English capital 'I'] come to realize that i do not want to lead the life i am leading today. İ have no desire to work for a billion dollar corporation to help them make more billions. İ would like to be a part of something different, something that matters.
İ have had many volunteering experiences; from tutoring immigrant [STRIKE]kids[/STRIKE] [children - 'kids' is too informal for this essay] to helping seniors, from spending time with homeless people to visiting addicts on holidays. Each of these gave me a fullfilement no other job did.
İ would love to take this passion to the next level and start doing it profesionally.
İ have no doubt that being a unv [A what? It seems to need capitalisation, whatever it means]wont be easy. Many obstacles will have to be surpassed but i am up [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] to the challenge.
İ believe my multicultural past, my education and my passion for volunteering will make me a great asset for the united nation's volunteers [capitalise? - at least UN]. This position will allow me to become the person i want to be in life and work for a cause i care deeply about. İt will help me [STRIKE]surpass[/STRIKE] overcome everyday problems and focus on what really matters. İ would be honored to be a part of an organisation like the united nations.
After all, [STRIKE]like[/STRIKE] as the Dalai Lama once said "It is not enough to be compassionate, we must act".
You can fix the red bits yourself. It's a pretty good essay overall.
 
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