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    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Hindi
      • Home Country:
      • India
      • Current Location:
      • India

    • Join Date: Oct 2013
    • Posts: 10

    Wink A short ad

    I want to phrase a short advertisement for my laundromat with a view to launch a scheme to attract new customers. " (1) Win a pair of PUMA shoe on 1st July 2014 by becoming maximum revenue generator in two months from 1st May till 30th June. (2) Win another PUMA shoe by introducing maximum new customers (minimum five) in two months from 1st May till 30th June." My doubt is on the phrase "maximum revenue generator". Does it convey the right meaning. If there is any other simpler phrase to convey the sense of customer who spends the maximum on washing clothes in our laundromat during the two months. Grateful for help.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Apr 2009
    • Posts: 12,307

    Re: A short ad

    You are aiming this at your customers?

    Customers don't generally like to think of themselves as "revenue generators" for you.

    I think you would be better off putting it in terms that the customer would relate to. The person who does the most loads of laundry in those two months wins a pair of shoes. (Not a "pair of shoe.")

    The person who brings the most new customers in also wins a pair of shoes.

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