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      • Native Language:
      • Persian
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      • Iran
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    #1

    TOEFL essays corrections

    Could you please help me to correct this TOEFl essay?

    Title: It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours.


    People have especial careers according to their responsibility and personality. Some of them work just 24 hours and after that they are free for 3 days. Members of the other group go to their job full time in a week. Three days a week with longer hours in a day and five days in a week with shorter hours are some kind of works. I prefer the former to obtain more facility, focus on my work harder and take another job or continue my education.

    To begin with, I can account its amenities. In a week you have 4 days off, so you can go on a trip every week to places that are far from your country. You have more time to spend with your family the ones who are restricted to the work hours of the members who have a job. It would be attractive if you have a family gathering because of the fact that your free time allows you to share your time so much.

    The most importantly, you can focus more on your job when you are in your workplace. For example, we can consider a professor who is working on a circuit. He has designed it and now in the last hours of day he wants to test it, but he does not have enough time, so he should wait until tomorrow. Maybe he finds a problem in his/her circuit tomorrow and solving it takes a lot of hours. However if he had tested it last day its possibility to recognize the problem would have been much more since he was working on it all of the day.

    Last but not least, there are some people who are working on two jobs because they need more money. A person whose first career is limited to 3 days can have another job and make more money. I can count students who are studying at universities and are working too. This three days work can help them to be comfortable and not to be worry.

    To conclude, I prefer to have a three days job because it has more facilities, you are able to focus on your job when you are in the workplace and you can select another job or continue your education. I hope all people could find this three days job to understand that it is really nice.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Persian
      • Home Country:
      • Iran
      • Current Location:
      • Iran

    • Join Date: Apr 2014
    • Posts: 2
    #2

    Re: TOEFL essays corrections

    Thank you for your attention and help.

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