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    #1

    Neighbours, part one

    Please would you correct my mistakes in my short story, Neighbours, part one

    Anna was the editor of a Stockholm newspaper. She was a woman in her forties, plain, with long red hair that fell down her back. She was married to Thorsten, a paediatrician. He was a few years older than she was. He was a tall and handsome man who was quiet and shy. They had been together for more than twenty years, a happy marriage that gave them two children, a boy and a girl, who now were grown up and moved away.
    She was proud of her achievements. From an unknown reporter in a provincial town she became a respected journalist who had won many prizes. She loved her profession enormously. Her income and financial gains were always of secondary importance. She became a journalist with the main goal – to make the world a better place to live. There was so much suffering in the world, so many evil men and women, who abused the power and oppressed others. Coming from a humble background, she was on the side of working and poor people. She fought against prejudice, discrimination and racism. She wrote dozens of articles condemning Western inaction during the war in Bosnia and American and British arrogance and destruction in Iraq and Afghanistan; she called Tony Blair a bloodless clown and George Bush a bloodthirsty Caligula. She criticized EU’s refugee policy and called for the Swedish government to allow every asylum seeker to stay in the country. When the suburbs in Stockholm were burning and the police fought battles night after night with hopeless and angry immigrant youth, she sent her reporters on an assignment to write something positive about these deprived areas. When a far-right party for the first time entered the Parliament, she called its leader and its supporters fascists. In 2014 more countries became the members of the EU, and soon Swedish cities were flooded with Roma people from south Europe, who sat on the streets begging, even when the temperatures fell to -15 Celsius. Anna’s paper ran a series of articles on these poor people, who took a long journey to find luck.

    Recently she had received many unkind emails and letters calling her all kinds of names and insulting her. People told her to move to a ghetto and live with immigrants to experience multiculturalism first hand. Some bitter pensioners reminded her of long waiting list for medical treatments and the costs of immigration. People who had been waiting for accommodation for years told her that it was unfair that refugees from faraway countries had precedence over the natives. Anna usually did not bother to answer. These rancorous individuals would always blame others for their own failures. Thorsten advised her to be more restrained and cautious, because there was so much violence in society, so many madmen with weapons lurking for victims. She told him not to worry. Those men were cowards, hiding behind their computers and harming mostly themselves. Their hatred and bitterness fuelled her will to go on. She did not hide her political sympathies. She could not remain neutral in the battle between good and evil. To be called a communist, propagandist whore, hypocrite or worse was a small price to pay for the better future.
    TO BE CONTINUED

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    #2

    Re: Neighbours, part one

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    Please would you correct my mistakes in my short story, Neighbours, part one

    Anna was the editor of a Stockholm newspaper. She was a woman in her forties, plain, with long red hair that fell down her back. She was married to Thorsten, a paediatrician pediatrician. He was a few years older than she was. He was a tall and handsome man who was quiet and shy. They had been together for more than twenty years, a happy marriage that gave them two children, a boy and a girl, who now were grown up and had moved away.
    She was proud of her achievements. From an unknown reporter in a provincial town she became a respected journalist who had won many prizes (awards is a better word here). She loved her profession enormously. Her income and financial gains were always of secondary importance. She became a journalist with the main goal being – to make the world a better place to live in. There was so much suffering in the world, so many evil men and women, who abused the power and oppressed others. Coming from a humble background, she was on the side of the working and poor people. She fought against prejudice, discrimination and racism. She wrote dozens of articles condemning Western inaction during the war in Bosnia and American and British arrogance and destruction in Iraq and Afghanistan; she called Tony Blair a bloodless clown and George Bush a bloodthirsty Caligula. She criticized EU’s refugee policy and called for the Swedish government to allow every asylum seeker to stay in the country. When the suburbs in Stockholm were burning and the police fought battles night after night with the hopeless and angry immigrant youth, she sent her reporters on an assignment (If she sent them more than once, use assignments) to write something positive about these deprived areas. When a far-right party for the first time entered the Parliament for the first time, she called its leader and its supporters Fascists. In 2014 more countries became the members of the EU, and soon Swedish cities were flooded with Roma people from south Europe, who sat on the streets begging, even when the temperatures fell to -15 Celsius. Anna’s paper ran a series of articles on these poor people, who took had taken a long journey to find luck. "luck" doesn't work here. "To find better fortune", or, "to find a better life" is better)

    Recently she had received many unkind emails and letters calling her all kinds of names and insulting her. People told her to move to a ghetto and live with immigrants to experience multiculturalism first hand. Some bitter pensioners reminded her of long waiting list for medical treatments and the costs of immigration. People who had been waiting for accommodation for years told her that it was unfair that refugees from faraway countries had precedence over the natives. Anna usually did not bother to answer. These rancorous individuals would always blame others for their own failures. Thorsten advised her to be more restrained and cautious, because there was so much violence in society, so many madmen with weapons lurking for victims. She told him not to worry. Those men were cowards, hiding behind their computers and mostly harming mostly themselves. Their hatred and bitterness fuelled her will to go on. She did not hide her political sympathies. She could not remain neutral in the battle between good and evil. To be called a communist, propagandist whore, hypocrite or worse was a small price to pay for the a ("the" could be used here but "a" is better) better future.
    TO BE CONTINUED
    Gil

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