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  1. Newbie
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Vietnamese
      • Home Country:
      • Vietnam
      • Current Location:
      • Vietnam

    • Join Date: May 2014
    • Posts: 2
    #1

    Help me on this eassy

    Dear all,

    I am Vietnamese, and I myself think how to write company introduction. Thus, I wrote below essay. I appreciate if you take a look and correct if I am wrong. Thanks in advanced

    English part:

    We understand that improving productivity and pricing are key factors, impact to successful of a company.

    With our experience in supplying variant products, clearly origin such as Japan, Europe… and best guarantee, Sonion confidents to bring break through improvements to your development.

    Our motto is “Quality first”, Sonion is able to become a partner of your successful company. We understand that improving productivity and pricing are key factors, impact to successful of a company.

    (Vietnamese part:
    Chúng tôi hiểu rằng cải thiện năng suất và giá thành là một trong những nhân tố quyết định sự thành bại của một doanh nghiệp.

    Bằng kinh nghiệm của ḿnh trong việc cung ứng sản phẩm đa dạng với xuất xứ rơ ràng như Nhật Bản, Châu Âu… đi kèm với chế độ bảo hành tốt nhất; Sonion tự tin sẽ mang đến cho khách hàng những giải pháp đột phá gắn liền với sự phát triển của doanh nghiệp.

    Với phương châm chất lượng là trên hết, chúng tôi tin rằng Sonion sẽ là đối tác đồng hành trong sự thành công của doanh nghiệp.)

  2. Newbie
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: May 2014
    • Posts: 5
    #2

    Re: Help me on this eassy

    Dear koyama. I cannot read or understand Vietnamese. Using your phrasing, these are my suggestions:


    We understand that improving productivity and pricing are key factors impacting the success of a company.

    With our experience in supplying various products to Japan and Europe, Sonion is confident that we can bring breakthrough improvements to your development.

    Our motto is "Quality First!" Sonion will become a partner of your successful company.

  3. Newbie
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Vietnamese
      • Home Country:
      • Vietnam
      • Current Location:
      • Vietnam

    • Join Date: May 2014
    • Posts: 2
    #3

    Re: Help me on this eassy

    Quote Originally Posted by grey guy View Post
    Dear koyama. I cannot read or understand Vietnamese. Using your phrasing, these are my suggestions:


    We understand that improving productivity and pricing are key factors impacting the success of a company.

    With our experience in supplying various products to Japan and Europe, Sonion is confident that we can bring breakthrough improvements to your development.

    Our motto is "Quality First!" Sonion will become a partner of your successful company.
    Hi grey guy,

    Thanks for correction. I think it's ok

  4. Barb_D's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Mar 2007
    • Posts: 19,215
    #4

    Re: Help me on this eassy

    Koyama,
    I have no idea from this introduction what your company does. Are you a bakerly supply company? Do you sell IT solutions? Do you sell office supplies?

    "improvements to your development" is not the right phrase. What are you helping me improve?
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

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