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      • Native Language:
      • Vietnamese
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      • Vietnam
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      • Vietnam

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
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    #1

    Please help me with my self-studying writing

    I am in my self-learning progress to participate in an upcoming IELTS exam. This is my daily practice. Please help me to improve my essay in terms of vocabulary, grammar or cohesion and coherence. All of your comments are highly appreciated. Thank you in advance.

    TOPIC: Several languages are in danger of extinction because they are spoken by very small numbers of people. Some people say that governments should spend public money on saving these languages, while others believe that would be a waste of money.
    Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

    People have distinct views about the preservation of ethnic languages. While some people oppose the idea of government’s financial support for the minority languages, I believe that this action can bring several benefits along with it.

    There is an ample evidence to suggest that preserving languages spoken by a small number of people can be seen as a waste of money. It is irrefutable that if governments desire to save minority languages, they will have to pay a vast amount of money for a wide range of essential programmes covered from equipping teachers with specialist knowledge to conducting massive marketing campaigns. However, it may be an uphill task, because in a fast-paced globalization world with only a few dominant languages such as English or Chinese, people seem less willing to adapt to an uncommon language. Moreover, the limited national budget also sponsor for various public services, for example education, healthcare and security, which are critical for a country to function properly. As a result, governments would spend less on these sessions if they decide to save least spoken languages.

    Despite the above arguments, I believe that people can possibly gain from saving least common languages. Firstly, language is not only a mean of communication, but also an eminent cultural identity of a particular country. Therefore, the disappearance of the endangered languages may cause a lost of rich culture diversity that makes a nation more appealing. Secondly, language is literally a valuable source of knowledge for students to broaden their knowledge. Through old-aged fables, students can acquire a variety of cultures, traditions and customs from different tribes.

    In conclusion, governments can call upon companies and social group to engage in language preservation in order to mitigate the pressure put on state budgets.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Europe

    • Join Date: Sep 2013
    • Posts: 8
    #2

    Re: Please help me with my self-studying writing

    Quote Originally Posted by anhnguyen265 View Post

    People have distinct views about the preservation of ethnic languages. While some people oppose the idea of government’s financial support for the minority languages, I believe that this action can bring several benefits along with it.

    There is an ample evidence to suggest that preserving languages spoken by a small number of people can be seen as a waste of money. (you could liminate this sentence, it does not add anything to the text)
    Firstly, It is irrefutable that if governments desire to save minority languages, they will have to pay a vast amount of money for a wide range of essential programmes covered from equipping teachers with specialist knowledge to conducting massive marketing campaigns. However, it may be an uphill task, because in a fast-paced globalization world with only a few dominant languages such as English or Chinese, people seem less willing to adapt to an uncommon language. Moreover, the limited national budget also sponsor for various public services, for example education, healthcare and security, which are critical for a country to function properly. As a result, governments would spend less on these sessions if they decide to save least spoken languages.

    Despite the above arguments, I believe that people can possibly gain (use : benefit) from saving least common languages. Firstly, language is not only a mean of communication, but also an eminent cultural identity of a particular country. Therefore, the disappearance of the endangered languages may cause a lost of rich culture diversity that makes a nation more appealing. Secondly, language is literally a valuable source of knowledge for students to broaden their knowledge (rephrase this, avoid overuse). Through old-aged fables, students can acquire a variety of cultures, traditions and customs from different tribes.

    In conclusion, governments can call upon companies and social group to engage in language preservation in order to mitigate the pressure put on state budgets.
    I have marked a few areas to which you might give attention.
    The conclusion is a bit weak; it might be best to restructure and expand upon the proposed solution you mention. At the moment you only give it half a line!

    Hope that helps!

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