Results 1 to 2 of 2
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Gujarati
      • Home Country:
      • India
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 5
    • Post Thanks / Like

    TOEFL Essay

    Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are
    the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support
    your answer.

    I agree with the above statement that the parents are the best teachers. The parents teach us the necessary rules, manners, and skills, which are the essential tools for our development.
    Language is the most important thing for human communication. Every child speaks his/her mother tongue. We learn language from our parents. They teach us how to communicate with people using the language.
    We study manners from our parents. The parents teach us how to behave in a civilized society. We pick up the social rules and regulation from our parents. For example, the parents teach us always speak the truth.
    We learn necessary lifesaving skills from our parents. For example, when we were children, the parents taught us not to touch fire because it burns our skin.
    From the above discussions, we are able to say that the parents are the best teachers for us.
    Last edited by Rover_KE; 16-Jun-2014 at 22:14.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Europe

    • Join Date: Sep 2013
    • Posts: 8
    • Post Thanks / Like

    Re: TOEFL Essay

    The ideas are fine and clearly expressed, no problem there. However, the text lacks cohesion - it reads like a list. You also need to develop the points and expand a bit more with detail.

    You need to use linking devices, relative clauses etc. Linkers are needed both at sentence and paragraph level, to make it flow and eliminate those rather 'staccato' sentences.

    You may want to look at this recent post and compare the text and sentence structure.
    Hope that helps!
    Last edited by eclectik; 17-Jun-2014 at 19:23.

Similar Threads

  1. INTEGRATED essay. Please revise my toefl essay.
    By arsha_0o in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 18-Aug-2013, 19:31
  2. [Essay] toefl essay
    By mengyiyou in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 30-Jul-2013, 08:45
  3. [Essay] Correct my toefl essay
    By filipeferminiano in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 13-Jan-2013, 17:12
  4. my toefl essay
    By sevas in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 19-Nov-2011, 20:08
  5. [Essay] TOEFL essay: Please levave your total advice about my essay.
    By Mayuko in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 12-Apr-2011, 02:48


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts