Student or Learner
Hey everyone , my name is Hamoud and I am so happy to join to you and hope to be a good part in your community :)
this is my first essay and I hope get some advises .
Making friends was a big problem faced me in Fort Collins. I couldn't speak the language as people around me speak, so it was a hard to make friends when you cannot communicate with them. I didn't know anyone in the city and it was a boring to me in my free time. However, making friends was a real problem to me, but I have solved this problem by three ways the three ways to solve my problem of making friends were learn English, be friendly and spend time around the people.
First of all, on one way I have solved my problem to make friends that I decide to learn English language to speak with American guys. Hard studying and saved much vocabulary was a good choice to me to me to communicate with people and understood the conversations. I saved many Familiar words to be easy when I speak with the American. With the familiar words I also studied idioms because all of American use it in their speaking. It was so helpful to communicate and make friendship with American people. Having a good language helped me to make friends, and I have had many Americans friends. In addition, I have solved my problem to make friends by practice my language with anyone. That was helpful because I improved my language and have known new people. I spoke with many people to get stronger language and make new friends. One day I spoke with someone I didn't know him, and I was practicing my English. Then he told me that he was so happy to speak with me, and he will make friendship with me. Practicing English helped me to meet and know new people. I have had many friends thank of practicing English.
Second of all, I have solved my problem of making friends by being friendly. I decided to help anyone needed help. I believed that when I have a helpful personality, I will have friends, so I helped many people in Fort Collins. One day, I saw old women, and she was tired to across street. Then, I helped her to across street. My classmate saw me in this event, and he liked this action. He became my friends, and he always remembers me of my action with old women. Helpful personality made to me many friends. Also, to be friendly I have known that the smile is a key of hearts. However, smile was a good choice I have chosen in my life to be friendly and make new friends. When I have smiled with any one, I made him feel good about me. One time, I met someone in my neighborhood in Fort Collins, and I smiled in his face. Then I started taking with him, he was so happy in our conversation and become my friend. His name is Dave, and he is a good friend thanks smiling. To make new friends, I have been friendly with allpeople.
Finally, I have solved my problem of making friends by spent my free time around the people. I joined to a soccer team in Fort Collins. Every day, I go to the club and play soccer with many players of my team. I made friendships with all of them. Because every day I see them, I am a friend of them. We have done many win games, so they loved me so much. It was a good choice to be a part of soccer team, and it was so easy to make friendship with players.
Also, into cafe was a good place, so I have spent my free time in it. I always spoke with guys who had a break during my time to stay in cafe. I knew many students in this great place. I have done many conversation with many students in this place, and they became my friends. I love into cafe because it made to me several friends. The third solution to my problem was spent my time around people.
To sum up, my problem to make friends was the biggest problem in my life. It was a hard life without friends. However, it has solved by three ways. I decided to learn English to be able to speak with Americans people. Also, I decided to be friendly with all people and helpful personality was a good choice to make friends. I have spent my free time around people, and I have had many friends thank this choice. It is a hard life to live without friends, but you should to find solutions just be smart and brave.
Last edited by Barb_D; 19-Jun-2014 at 18:34.
Hi Hamoud, and welcome to Using English
(I edited your essay to remove the bold text. It was a bit much.)
We can't help you with essays that you will submit for grading/marking. If you are working with a tutor, having your tutor see your language use will help him/her know how to best help you.
You have, however, done a good job with the standard five-paragraph essay.
There are grammatical mistakes, but your overall structure is sound.
Your vocabulary is also pretty good. (Consider changing "friendly" to "helpful" for your second point.) You have the most problems with tense and some with plurals. Look for where you have used plural words (women, friends, for example) and see if you mean what you wrote.
I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.