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  1. Newbie
    Interested in Language
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      • Native Language:
      • French
      • Home Country:
      • Madagascar
      • Current Location:
      • Madagascar

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 3
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    #1

    Please tell me if my cover letter is ok

    Please can you help me with my cover letter, I think it's Ok, excepted the lines I colored in red. Can you please tell me if it's ok? Thank you very much


    Antananarivo,
    June 10, 2014

    WFP Madagascar
    To the attention of Mr. the Resident Representative
    Object : Spontaneous application for a "manager/administrator/administrative".

    Dear Mr. the Resident Representative, Please find hereby my spontaneous application for an "manager/administrator/administrative". Recently graduated from the INSCAE with a Master in International Management, I acquired the sense of responsibilities and initiative while developing my spirit of synthesis and analysis.

    My willingness/workforce and my wish to acquire very soon professional skills leaded me to work at severalcompanies, during three years, in parallel with my studies. Furthermore, a first professional experience in the humanitarian field (CforC NGO) allowed me to develop my communication skills both spoken and written among persons from different cultural, language and social environment. I wish to orientate my professional career toward administrative functions among international organisms with humanitarian vocation such as the WFP. I am actually managing an enterprise in the field of e-trading, and I succeeded to structure this activity in sort as I am available at half-time (20hours per week) to devote myself to the desired position among your organism.
    I look forward to discussing my qualification further and can be reached by email at EMAIL REMOVED - Send PM to This User Instead or by phone at 00 261 34 xx xxx xx.
    Thank you so much for your time
    Sincerely


  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 34,345
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    #2

    Re: Please tell me if my cover letter is ok

    You definitely can't use "Mr. Resident Representative". We only put "Mr/Miss/Mrs/Ms before someone's surname or full name. If you don't know the name of the relevant person, use "Dear Sir/Madam". If you know he's a man, then "Dear Sir". If you know she's a woman, then "Dear Madam". You could also use "For the attention of the Resident Representative".

    Can you tell us what a "Resident Representative" is?
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  3. Barb_D's Avatar
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      • Native Language:
      • American English
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      • United States
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      • United States

    • Join Date: Mar 2007
    • Posts: 18,886
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    #3

    Re: Please tell me if my cover letter is ok

    I'm not sure what a "spontaneous application" is either.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

  4. Newbie
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • French
      • Home Country:
      • Madagascar
      • Current Location:
      • Madagascar

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 3
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    #4

    Re: Please tell me if my cover letter is ok

    Thank you for your help
    A resident representative (for NGOs) is like a country manager (for companies), he represents the country in which the organization is located.

  5. Newbie
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • French
      • Home Country:
      • Madagascar
      • Current Location:
      • Madagascar

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 3
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #5

    Re: Please tell me if my cover letter is ok

    A spontaneous application is an application that doesn't respond to any job offer, it will be sent to a company even if there is not job offer.
    Please correct me if I'm wrong about the way to say the words.

  6. emsr2d2's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

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    • Posts: 34,345
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    #6

    Re: Please tell me if my cover letter is ok

    I think that's an "unsolicited application".
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Switzerland

    • Join Date: Oct 2014
    • Posts: 12
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    #7

    Re: Please tell me if my cover letter is ok

    Quote Originally Posted by johanne24 View Post
    Please can you help me with my cover letter, I think it's Ok, excepted the lines I colored in red. Can you please tell me if it's ok? Thank you very much


    Antananarivo,
    June 10, 2014

    WFP Madagascar
    To the attention of Mr. the Resident Representative
    Object : Spontaneous application for a "manager/administrator/administrative".

    Dear Mr. the Resident Representative, Please find hereby my spontaneous application for an "manager/administrator/administrative". Recently graduated from the INSCAE with a Master in International Management, I acquired the sense of responsibilities and initiative while developing my spirit of synthesis and analysis.

    My willingness/workforce and my wish to acquire very soon professional skills leaded me to work at severalcompanies, during three years, in parallel with my studies. Furthermore, a first professional experience in the humanitarian field (CforC NGO) allowed me to develop my communication skills both spoken and written among persons from different cultural, language and social environment. I wish to orientate my professional career toward administrative functions among international organisms with humanitarian vocation such as the WFP. I am actually managing an enterprise in the field of e-trading, and I succeeded to structure this activity in sort as I am available at half-time (20hours per week) to devote myself to the desired position among your organism.
    I look forward to discussing my qualification further and can be reached by email at EMAIL REMOVED - Send PM to This User Instead or by phone at 00 261 34 xx xxx xx.
    Thank you so much for your time
    Sincerely

    I am not a English teacher, I am an ex-banker. But, when I read your cover letter, it doesn't clearly spell out what are your competencies. I think cover letter is a place for you to present your competencies, what set you aside from other applicants.
    You said your first professional experience was in the humanitarian field, I suggest you to further elaborate what have you done/ learned in that field. You also said that you have communicated with people from the different cultures, you can cite some examples of the do/don't when you are dealing with one specific culture. You also can highlight how many languages you are fluent on. You said you are managing e- trading, you can give further details of how do you manage it, what e-trading are you in.
    Last, I am not sure the word " organism" is the right word, I will change it to " organization" .

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