I need your help! Next week i have to write an english exam at the economic university in Austria. At my first attend I don't get enough points to pass, so I would be very gratefull if somebody can correct my text and give some advices. For our teachers it is very important that we use a formal and high registered language. The text should include accurate statements, appropriate terminology (keywords) and linkers!. Please also take a look at my grammer, because it is still worse but i try hard to improve it. Thaaank you very much and here is my text.
In this excersice we have to convert an informal text to a formal one (The highlighted parts were given):
For some time now, many people have come to my shop and they wanted to buy my electronic goods. At the moment I am not able to handle all tasks by myself. If I had more money, I would be able to increase my stock and finally sell more products.
informal version: a)For a while now lots of people have wanted to buy the electronic goods I sell. That's made it tough for me- I own and run the business on my own. I could do with more money to buy in more electronic goods to sell.
Because of that I want you to join my enterprise. You have the expertise about finance and you are able to solve all financial problems. In my opinion the best solution would be when you are managing the finance sector and I focus on sales, distribution.
You know lots about how to get more money and how to deal with all sorts of money problems. You would organise that side of business; I would concentrate on what we sell and how we sell it.
Of course, should I go bankruptcy you are liable for all debts and your private fortune can be called upon. Because of that I send you my bank reference that you are able to screen my financial situation.
Of course, if I borrow money for the business and can't pay it back, you will have to pay up yourself, even if it means selling your car or your house. That's why I'm sending you a letter from my bank sayin what a reliable person I am.
Other potential problems also exist. In order to avoid problems we can draw up a partnership agreement in which is written down all tasks and managing areas and we can also summarize what happened when we want to dissolve the partnership.
And that's not the only thing that yould cause problems for us. One thing we could do to stop problems from happening is writing down on a piece of paper what each of us is supposed to do in the business. And what happens if we no longer want to stay in business together.