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    #1

    PLEASE HELP CORRECT MY ESSAY

    This essay is just an exercise I did for an English test that i'm going to have next month, please correct my mistakes and help me improve my writing, thank you :)

    Some students prefer to live on campus in a dormitory. Others prefer to live in an apartment or house off campus. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
    Essay:

    College students often live out of their parentís house. They tend to stay in dormitories or rent themselves an apartment off campus area. In my opinion, scholars are in a more beneficial situation if they decided to dwell in dormitories.

    Decreasing transportation fee is one of the advantages of living in dorms. Students who lived off campus use public transportation or self-owned vehicle to go to campus. Those people will eventually spend more money, as some of them need to pay for their rides and others need gas money for their personal vehicle. By living in a dormitory, students can save their money for other things such as food, school needs, etc.

    On the other hand, living in a dormitory can be a little uncomfortable. There are lots of regulations that we need to obey in a dormitory. For instance, some dorms are closed after sometime around midnight, so we must be back on time or otherwise weíll be locked out. Some of the regulations can be a huge burden for us; they can even charge us with fines. Moreover, some dorms are even not a proper place to be lived in. These types of dorms usually out of reach from the cleaning department and out of the supervision of the facility department. Residents also feel uncomfortable leaving their belongings behind as some dormitories lack of security surveillance.

    Thus, living in a dorm has its advantages and disadvantages. Dwelling in a dormitory can lessen your burden on daily expenses as you donít need to spend money on transportation. Even so, living in a dorm can restrain your freedom because of the rules, also its lack of hygiene and safety. From my point of view, living in a dormitory is a much better way than living off campus. Through this, you can save the transportation money to do some cleaning for your own room and to improve the security of the dorm which you lived in.

  1. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: PLEASE HELP CORRECT MY ESSAY

    <College students often live out of their parentís house.>

    College students often live at home with their parents.

    <They tend to stay in dormitories or rent themselves an apartment off campus area.>

    They tend to stay in dormitories (on campus) or rent an apartment off campus.

    <In my opinion, scholars are in a more beneficial situation if they decided to dwell in dormitories.>

    In my opinion, the best option is living in dormitories (on campus).


    What do you think?


  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: PLEASE HELP CORRECT MY ESSAY

    You changed the viewpoint right in the middle of that. It's rather confusing. (Do you know what I mean?)

    Last edited by emsr2d2; 12-Jul-2014 at 01:36. Reason: Spacing error fixed

  3. Barb_D's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: PLEASE HELP CORRECT MY ESSAY

    That is an important point. You were told to describe which one you prefer and provide support for it, not "describe the pros and cons of each."
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

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    #5

    Re: PLEASE HELP CORRECT MY ESSAY

    okay thank you for the information, i'll try to improve my writing.

  4. Barb_D's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: PLEASE HELP CORRECT MY ESSAY

    Make sure you use capitalization.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

  5. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: PLEASE HELP CORRECT MY ESSAY

    <Decreasing transportation fee >

    Spending less on transportation

    <Students who lived off campus use public transportation or self-owned vehicle to go to campus. >

    How should you change that sentence?


  6. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: PLEASE HELP CORRECT MY ESSAY

    Sometimes I ask questions to get the individual to think of things for herself. You have responded to nothing I have said. If I was tutoring someone in person and she did not respond to me I would consider that a problem. The same thing applies here.


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