Do you think we pronounce "don't" differently specifically in "Why don't you ...?" If so, you might be right to a certain extent. It probably sounds like "Why d-oh-n-choo". (I don't do phonetic symbols.)
You did not give an example of when/why you can't hear how people say "and" - your second example.
Both "in real" and "in actual" are incorrect. You could say "in real life".