[Grammar] Could you check this paragraphs ?

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Could you check this paragraphs grammatically ? Please.
 
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emsr2d2

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Welcome to the forum. :hi:

Many of us are wary of opening external links from unknown sources. Please write your work in a post so that we can read it directly from this screen and make amendments on screen.

I had a quick look at your paragraphs and noticed that you have omitted a lot of articles and some verbs. Have a good look at it again before you post it here.
 
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