[General] Could you check my dialogue?

Status
Not open for further replies.

englishhobby

Key Member
Joined
Jun 19, 2009
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
Russian
Home Country
Russian Federation
Current Location
Russian Federation
Could you check and/or improve the following dialogue a little for it to sound more natural?

– Poor Theresa.
– Why?
– She is married to that dull guy Joe. He is so hard to please, unsociable and picky.
– That’s only what you think. And her perception of him may be absolutely different from yours. She really has a way with Phil and accepts him as he is.
 

MikeNewYork

VIP Member
Joined
Nov 13, 2002
Member Type
Academic
Native Language
American English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
Where did Phil come from?
 

Roman55

Key Member
Joined
Feb 5, 2014
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
British English
Home Country
Italy
Current Location
France
I am not a teacher.

This could be rewritten 100 different ways to suit individual tastes, but it's fine as it stands, with one exception.
'Absolutely different' sounds odd to me. I would say 'completely' or 'totally'.
 

Tarheel

VIP Member
Joined
Jun 16, 2014
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
American English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
"Dull" and "hard to please" are two totally different things.

:)
 

Charlie Bernstein

VIP Member
Joined
Jan 28, 2009
Member Type
Other
Native Language
English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
I like absolutely there. It's emphatic and not over-used. Dull and hard to please are different things, but I know plenty of people who are both. So you need to say both.

The only changes I'd make are to put in some contractions. Without them, it would sound stiff:

Could you check and/or improve the following dialogue a little for it to sound more natural?

– Poor Theresa.
– Why?
– She's married to that dull guy Joe. He's so hard to please, unsociable and picky.
– That’s only what you think. And her perception of him may be absolutely different from yours. She really has a way with Joe and accepts him as he is.
 

Tarheel

VIP Member
Joined
Jun 16, 2014
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
American English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
I like absolutely there. It's emphatic and not over-used. Dull and hard to please are different things, but I know plenty of people who are both. So you need to say both.

Yes, there are plenty of people who are both. The writer uses too many adjectives too close together. If you want me to believe somebody is dull give me a reason or two to believe that he is, in fact, dull. Don't abruptly switch to something else. Example: Tarheel is really dull. All he does is get on the computer on some website. ;-)
 

englishhobby

Key Member
Joined
Jun 19, 2009
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
Russian
Home Country
Russian Federation
Current Location
Russian Federation
I see your point. But situations can be different. Can't just a woman enumerate all the faults a man has without explaining them in detail? It's men who always use their logic.
You are right, I need these traits in a "concentrated" form for a textbook I am writing.
 

Tarheel

VIP Member
Joined
Jun 16, 2014
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
American English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
Can't a woman just enumerate all the faults a man has without explaining them in detail?

Of course. But if you say something about somebody you surely have something in mind that reminds people of that trait. Also, it is really boring just to read a bunch of adjectives. Think about it. What might somebody say in "real life"? Here's an example: "Tarheel is really lazy. All he does when he is home is watch TV." (Actually, I don't have a TV. But, hopefully, my illustration helps me make my point.)

:)
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top