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      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
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      • Malaysia
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    • Join Date: Sep 2014
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    #1

    Rephrasing needed

    9th September Dr. Joe Shigemoto will stay one day in Malaysia. Those interested to get plastic surgery, golden thread treatment, or Hi-Lift treatment, you are welcome for consultation and register for it.

    * I could write the phrase out but I just couldn't make it sounds interesting or more professional native english way. And for the last few words, is "You're welcome for consultation" correct? Because they are here to consult our doctor.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia

    • Join Date: Sep 2014
    • Posts: 2
    #2

    Re: Rephrasing needed

    What about :-

    On 9th September, we are delighted to welcome Dr. Joe Shigemoto for a one day stay in Malaysia. Those interested to get plastic surgery, golden thread treatment, or Hi-Lift treatment, come and register for a consultation.

    • Member Info
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      • Laos

    • Join Date: Nov 2002
    • Posts: 57,912
    #3

    Re: Rephrasing needed

    one-day treatment
    those interested in getting
    I have no idea what golden thread treatment is.
    Please come come and register

  1. emsr2d2's Avatar
    • Member Info
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    #4

    Re: Rephrasing needed

    Quote Originally Posted by x-gent-007 View Post
    9th September Dr. Joe Shigemoto will stay one day in Malaysia. Those interested to get plastic surgery, golden thread treatment, or Hi-Lift treatment, you are welcome for consultation and register for it.

    * I could write the phrase out but I just couldn't make it sounds interesting or more professional native english way. And for the last few words, is "You're welcome for consultation" correct? Because they are here to consult our doctor.
    "We are delighted to announce that Dr Joe Shigemoto will be visiting our clinic for one day on 9th September. Anyone interested in [getting] plastic surgery, golden thread treatment or Hi-Lift treatment are invited to register for a consultation."

    I don't know what "golden thread treatment" is either. It's also ambiguous - will Dr Shigemoto be doing just consultations that day or will he actually be available to carry out those various techniques that day?
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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