Student or Learner
Hi! I'm in my senior year of high school, so my parents are finally making me write a lot of college essays to be prepared for the real thing. (Can't say I enjoy it too much...) Could you tell me how this essay is? The main focus is about myself and goals for the future. I feel like it's a little on and off topic, but I can't say for sure. Any help would be appreciated. I think all this writing is starting to make me a little crazy!
My dreams of keeping the country safe is what I'm willing to accomplish through blood, sweat, and tears, even though many people could say my dreams are a little farfetched. All throughout my life, I’ve always wanted to join a branch of the military; it did not matter which one. All I wanted was to know that I could keep my country safe and the citizens with a peace of mind. When I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease, I was not able to join the military. Even though one of my biggest dreams was then known as never being accomplishable, I never gave up hope. It only made me stronger; tougher. If I couldn’t serve my country through the military, then there are other ways in doing so.
Every child grows up with a different perspective. Unlike most, I adopted a disease that progressed into something life changing, a disease that I have grown to accept and be proud of. My childhood, like most, was an exhilarating yet emotional rollercoaster. I was told I was special when I was only ten years old. Suddenly, I had a distinct kind of doctor that was going to be with me until I became an adult, who would help me with my troubles and try to find a way to ease the pain.
Crohn’s was subtle and came on vehemently. Abdominal pains, loss of appetite, and weight loss were telltale signs. Though causes of this intriguing disease are not specifically known, it is believed that heredity and environmental factors are main contributors. Crohn’s is an inflammatory condition that causes the immune system to attack the gastrointestinal tract. Constantly having the urge to run to the bathroom or experiencing pain in doing the simplest tasks were, at first, very discouraging. I cannot lie and say that I accepted it in the beginning, that controlling a disease that tends to lash on out my body at the most unexpected times was a walk in the park, but I eventually came to terms with Crohn’s.
Dealing with Crohn’s has kept me on my toes. Everyday life changed from focusing on school to keeping track of what I ate and making sure I took my medications. I am a person who cannot accept defeat and always strives for the best. If there is something I wish to have, I will try my absolute hardest to get it, and what I want is to keep myself healthy. I realized that not everyone in life can have a free pass, and each person has a special problem of their own.
Coming to face with Crohn’s, I immediately set out to turn Crohn’s into something I didn’t have to constantly worry about. I started to eat healthy while sticking to a food plan and began to work out. These two things alone transformed my life into something I would have never predicted. The symptoms that had wreaked havoc on my body, and ultimately my daily life, suddenly started to disappear.
The outcomes of striving to keep myself as healthy as I could have impacted every part of my life and body in so many positive ways. I have learned to become strong-hearted and to not to take everything so personally. The quote, “there is always someone else who has it worse than you” is a hopeful reminiscence that is always in the back of my mind. With time and the support from my family, I grew to accept how I am today.
My future is something I'm determined to make the very greatest I can. Just like my goals of staying healthy, I want to attend (insert college here) to earn a degree in Criminal Justice. I want to pursue a career in Law Enforcement as a police officer, helping people in need and making sure the city or town I reside in is kept safe. Being a police officer is a career where I can get off of work and know I have made a difference in the community, which would mean the world to me. Not many people can leave work and say that they have made a change in America. Through determination, I can make my dream come true, no matter how big or small, and the start of doing so begins with (insert college here).
For a start, look at "My dreams of keeping the country safe is ..."
Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.
Even though one of my biggest dreams was now out of reach, I didn't give up. Instead, I was more determined than ever. If I couldn't serve my country through the military, there would be other ways of serving my country.
By "distinct kind of doctor" do you perhaps mean "different kind of doctor'?