I have no problem with it.
Student or Learner
This passage is taken from the Reading Comprehension section in a GRE book:
A supernova is a brief stellar explosion so luminous that it can briefly outshine an entire galaxy. While the explosion itself takes less than fifteen seconds, supernovae take weeks or months to fade from view; during that time, a supernova can emit an amount of energy equivalent to the amount of energy the sun is expected to radiate over its entire lifespan. Supernovae generate enough heat to create heavy elements, such as mercury, gold, and silver. Although supernovae explode frequently, few of them are visible (from Earth) to the naked eye.
In 1604 in Padua, Italy, a supernova became visible, appearing as a star so bright that it was visible in daylight for more than a year. Galileo, who lectured at the university, gave several lectures widely attended by the public. The lectures not only sought to explain the origin of the “star” (some posited that perhaps it was merely “vapour near the earth”), but seriously undermined the views of many philosophers that the heavens were unchangeable. This idea was foundational to a worldview underpinned by a central and all-important Earth, with celestial bodies merely rotating around it.
What do you think about the coherence and style of this passage? I found the second paragraph a bit all over the place. Could an essay be constructed in this style?
Thanks a lot.
Please notify me of any mistakes in my posts. It is much appreciated.
The only thing I would change (and it's a personal preference only) is in the sentence below:
The lectures not only sought to explain the origin of the “star” (some posited that perhaps it was merely “vapour near the earth”), they also served to seriously undermine the views of many philosophers that the heavens were unchangeable.