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  1. B45
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    #1

    Is this well written: I had an overnight stopover in Tokyo half a year ago, so I dec

    Is this well written:

    I had an overnight stopover in Tokyo half a year ago, so I decided to do a quick city tour on one of those double decker buses for tourists that take you around the city in less than an hour give or take, although it was fun while it lasted, the tour definitely opened my eyes and made me want to go back and really take time to see the city for its culture, food, and modern advances.

    Feel free to make any changes to make it better.

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    #2

    Re: Is this well written: I had an overnight stopover in Tokyo half a year ago, so I

    not at teacher

    I had an overnight stopover in Tokyo half a year ago, so I decided to do a quick city tour on one of those double decker buses for tourists that took you around the city in less than an hour. Although it was fun while it lasted, the tour definitely opened my eyes and made me want to go back and (really take time) spend more time to (see) experience the city for its culture, food, and (modern advances) modernities.

  2. B45
    Guest
    #3

    Re: Is this well written: I had an overnight stopover in Tokyo half a year ago, so I

    Quote Originally Posted by tedmc View Post
    not at teacher

    I had an overnight stopover in Tokyo half a year ago, so I decided to do a quick city tour on one of those double decker buses for tourists that took you around the city in less than an hour. Although it was fun while it lasted, the tour definitely opened my eyes and made me want to go back and (really take time) spend more time to (see) experience the city for its culture, food, and (modern advances) modernities.
    Thanks, but let's give the teachers a try.

    I love how learners, as I am one myself, try to help other learners, but unfortunately more times than not it only causes more confusion for me.

  3. MikeNewYork's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Is this well written: I had an overnight stopover in Tokyo half a year ago, so I

    For me, the most important change is the period/full stop after "hour" and the capitalization of "although".

  4. B45
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    #5

    Re: Is this well written: I had an overnight stopover in Tokyo half a year ago, so I

    I had an overnight stopover in Tokyo half a year ago, so I decided to do a quick city tour on one of those double decker buses for tourists that took you around the city in less than an hour.

    Shouldn't it be take instead of took? Took doesn't sound native, while take does, because those buses still exist. No?

  5. MikeNewYork's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Is this well written: I had an overnight stopover in Tokyo half a year ago, so I

    If you used "take" it would have to be "takes". "Took" is fine. It happened in the past.

  6. B45
    Guest
    #7

    Re: Is this well written: I had an overnight stopover in Tokyo half a year ago, so I

    Why takes when it's double decker buses?

    And is modernities better than modern advances?

  7. MikeNewYork's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: Is this well written: I had an overnight stopover in Tokyo half a year ago, so I

    Good point about "takes". My error.
    I don't think "modernities" is commonly used.

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    #9

    Re: Is this well written: I had an overnight stopover in Tokyo half a year ago, so I

    I don't think 'modern advances' is appropriate. What do you think?

    I have learned that is better not to mix tenses if possible.


    not a teacher
    Last edited by tedmc; 04-Oct-2014 at 14:58.

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    #10

    Re: Is this well written: I had an overnight stopover in Tokyo half a year ago, so I

    Most native speakers would say 'six months ago' rather than 'half a year ago.'

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