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  1. Newbie
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Georgian
      • Home Country:
      • Georgia
      • Current Location:
      • Georgia

    • Join Date: Aug 2014
    • Posts: 7
    #1

    Motivation letter

    Please help me and corrects me errors, Poorly know English, please help me i want it urgently

    Motivation Letter
    Your Name: Koka Kotia
    Private number: [Personal info removed by moderator]
    MA Registration Number: [Personal info removed by moderator]
    E-mail address: Email removed: PM this user instead
    Telephone number: [Personal info removed by moderator]
    Dear sirs,
    I wish to apply to the Master of Business Administration program at XXX State University for the 2014 autumn intake. This program is a solid step towards my future career as a businessperson who understands and appreciates science and technology. The master program of your university is the best instrument to deepen my knowledge in the relevant fields of business administration and to succeed in achieving my goal.
    There are three key reasons why I want to study at this program. First, I selected your program because of its primary focus on business with the expectation that students already possess a strong understanding of science. Second, a fellow student of the program, has provided me with his thoughts about the program. From our conversations, I became excited to learn about the courses such as management. And last, I wish to grow to be a manager who can combine the science of technology with the art of management. Aside from the favorable learning environment of XXX State University, I most enjoyed its academic freedoms and active pluralism. The Economist has a unique vision of the world of style. My goal is to develop and refine our thinking in this style as possible, to give a wider scope of my education. It means a chance to see some in-depth theoretical and practical issues, which I'm sure will play a key role in the master's degree.
    My future plan next five year is to start a career as Business Analyst. The master program of your university is the best instrument to deepen my knowledge in the relevant fields of managment and information technology and to succeed in achieving my goal. It furthermore provides the chance to study in an international environment which will be important for enhancing my intercultural competence and language skills.
    I believe that this Master Program will contribute to the evolution of my career as it suits perfectly with my future goals, It also would allow me to develop my skills. I am sure that studying the courses included in this Master Program will let me better understand how to take strategic decisions and how to provide competitive responses. Ilia State University graduate program provides the specific knowledge and skills that are essential to achieving these goals. I hope that I will become a worthy member of the ISU academic environment.

    I want to write about one problems of export, which is very important for our country. Specifically, I would like to draw your attention to the fruit and vegetable exports. Georgian fruit and vegetables sold in local markets due to low demand complicated. Export fewer products undergo a major reason for the Russian market halt. I think first of all it is necessary to solve this problem is to open up the EU market, otherwise it will be a local problem. The Russian market is closed for us, in my opinion superior to the EU market. The consumer market for Georgian products is not satisfactory. Importantly, the political will is there. Construction of cold storage facility will allow us to keep the fruits of the season and in the winter to export. I think we need to develop an export program that will protect the local market and farmers.

    Thank you for your attention and consideration. I look forward to your acceptance.

    Yours sincerely, Date: 27.08.2014
    [Personal Info removed by moderator]
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 28-Aug-2014 at 23:11. Reason: Removed personal info

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 11,016
    #2

    Re: Resume English verification

    Two things.

    1. Don't post the same thing several times.
    2. Write sentences.


    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Switzerland

    • Join Date: Oct 2014
    • Posts: 12
    #3

    Re: Resume English verification

    Hi Koka001,

    I am neither an English teacher nor a native speaker. Just a retired banker who is bored and comment in the forum. I came out from a Business school as well, looking at your personal statement, my comment is that it is fine yet not stunning. Based on your personal statement, I take a wild guess that you are a student without much working experiences and want to pursue a MBA. There is nothing wrong with that, just that, personally, I feel that a MBA will be more beneficial to you after you have some working experiences.
    There is a particular point I would like to comment which is the export problem in your country, Georgia. It seems that your country has been having trade balance positive, not only that, it has been having a robust growth in export over the past 10 years. Fruits and vegetables are not the primary export in your country, which I am not surprised that these industries will be under developed. Your country top main exports are cars, refined petroleum, ferroalloys, gold, and copper ore. Also, your country's current and top importers are Azerbaijan, Amenia, US, Germany, and Canada. Russian does not affect the country's economy too much.
    I would suggest you either rewrite your country economy by doing some research or not putting it in your paper. I believe a professor from business school will be as sensitive as me to the piece of argument you have put in your paper. Just a suggestion.

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 11,016
    #4

    Re: Resume English verification

    You both need to space between sentences. Also, experience is not normally pluralized. (There are exceptions.) (I could make more comments/suggestions, but I just don't have time right now.)


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