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  1. BobK's Avatar
    Harmless drudge
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    #21

    Re: Based on the phenomenon in HK currently, I wrote a short essay to reflect my feel

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    ...As for the boycott, they were boycotting their classes (but I am sure you know that by now). (It was not a first class boycott in the sense of being a really good one, but the first time that had happened.)

    ...
    Doh! I see. The trouble with 'first' and 'class' is that they form a very strong collocation. So you need to break them up. 'First ever boycott of their classes' is possible, but I'm not sure 'classes' is the right word. Perhaps it could be in American English; but British students in their late-teens/early-20s (in my experience) have 'lectures', 'seminars', 'tutorials', 'supervisions'... - but rarely 'classes'.

    Note that those options aren't 1:1 synonyms. They vary in structure and organization, from course to course.

    b

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #22

    Re: Based on the phenomenon in HK currently, I wrote a short essay to reflect my feel

    Quote Originally Posted by BobK View Post
    Doh! I see. The trouble with 'first' and 'class' is that they form a very strong collocation. So you need to break them up. 'First ever boycott of their classes' is possible, but I'm not sure 'classes' is the right word. Perhaps it could be in American English; but British students in their late-teens/early-20s (in my experience) have 'lectures', 'seminars', 'tutorials', 'supervisions'... - but rarely 'classes'.

    Note that those options aren't 1:1 synonyms. They vary in structure and organization, from course to course.

    b
    Interesting. There seems to be somewhat of a difference between BE and AE here. (Or should that be the other way around?) Here's what I found on Google:

    I think I'm going to enroll in that one about Beyonce.

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #23

    Re: Based on the phenomenon in HK currently, I wrote a short essay to reflect my feel

    You definitely need to use shorter, simpler sentences. Making your sentences longer doesn't mean that you say more, but it might mean that you confuse people.

    Quote Originally Posted by MiboMibo View Post

    Days after the event was developed to an occupying Central where is the HongKong's major business district since the government refused theinvite of the conversation.
    Something about an event that was held in the central business district of Hong Kong. The representatives of the government were invited to attend, but they didn't go. That sentence as it is is a mess. Clean it up!

    Quote Originally Posted by MiboMibo View Post
    Accordingly, more people took to the street to protest the democracy in Hong Kong,voicing their concern regarding on the fake universal suffrage and the useless government. Although this is the largest demonstration ever in Hong Kong, it is peaceful and the people are disciplined, which attracts international appreciation and support.
    I am pretty sure they weren't protesting democracy in Hong Kong but the lack of it.


  4. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #24

    Re: Based on the phenomenon in HK currently, I wrote a short essay to reflect my feel

    Quote Originally Posted by MiboMibo View Post


    However, on the 29th, over 100,000 protesters experienced the darkest day of Hong Kong. Riot police stepped in to remove the protesters from the street with brute force. Despite the use of 89 canisters of tear gas and pepper spray, this led to more people supporting the protesters on the street. People used umbrellas for defense from the pepper spray attacks and used plastic wrap to protect their eyes and skin from the tear gas.
    Got to go!


  5. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #25

    Re: Based on the phenomenon in HK currently, I wrote a short essay to reflect my feel

    Quote Originally Posted by MiboMibo View Post
    Also, the people built obstacles to protect themselves from police assaults. The police were condemned for their unprofessional and immoral conduct, and they were criticized as political tools.
    We're making progress.


  6. MiboMibo's Avatar
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    #26

    Red face Re: Based on the phenomenon in HK currently, I wrote a short essay to reflect my feel

    Hi every one,

    Thank you for helping me out!!! Yes, there are so many problems about the words and sentence structures I've chose to write an essay. I think it is because I cannot catch the feeling of using English. I cannot think in an English manner. There are a lot of new things to learn in just one essay. I will work hard to try to figure out the way to correct my bad habit in writing English essays. :)

    Thank you Thank you Thank you :)
    Mibo

  7. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #27

    Re: Based on the phenomenon in HK currently, I wrote a short essay to reflect my feel

    Quote Originally Posted by MiboMibo View Post
    Hi every one,

    Thank you for helping me out!!!
    You're welcome. (Too many bangs!)

    Yes, there are so many problems about my word choices. I think it is because I cannot catch the feeling of using English. I cannot think in an English manner. There are a lot of new things to learn in just one essay. I will work hard to try to figure out the way to correct my bad habits in writing English essays. :)

    Thank you Thank you Thank you :)
    Mibo
    Well, I hope you are not trying to learn everything all at once. (The word bang is printer's slang for an exclamation mark.)

    This has been an interesting assignment for me. (Not easy, but interesting.)

    (Now I need to figure out how to get more likes. )

    ~Ron
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 30-Oct-2014 at 23:57.

  8. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #28

    Re: Based on the phenomenon in HK currently, I wrote a short essay to reflect my feel

    Quote Originally Posted by MiboMibo View Post


    Hong Kong is a very modern city and one of the biggest international trade centers in the world. The people there earn an average of 35,000 HKD (around $4,511 (USD)) monthly, but the people can't enjoy the basic right, which is the right to choose. Hong Kongers cannot choose a path for their future, but are provided many useless things by the Chinese government automatically. To be frank, many troubles have been brought to Hong Kong since 1997. The extreme increase of migrants from China, the rise of commodity prices, chaos where there used to be order, the reduction of Hong Kong citizens' social welfare. These are all examples of what our motherland has brought to Hong Kong since we don't have a real representative leader to control the affairs in Hong Kong.


    I didn't know how to replace that last sentence, so I took it out. (It made no sense as written.)


  9. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #29

    Re: Based on the phenomenon in HK currently, I wrote a short essay to reflect my feel

    Quote Originally Posted by MiboMibo View Post
    Hi,

    This is day 15 of the demonstration. Numerous protesters are still guarding the areas people occupied previously. Some people, including triad members and plainclothes policemen from the anti pro-democracy parties often come and distract the protesters. They throw all the resources away and destroy the camps where people are resting. Moreover, a couple of girls were sexually harassed, and some protesters were bitten by police dogs. Nonetheless the police didn't even try to behave in a civilized manner. Also, thugs (people harassing the protesters) were not arrested but but instead were protected by the police. Thus, Hong Kong police are suspected of conspiring with the triads. In these 15 days, the current chief executive only recorded three short video clips in response to the tactics used by the police and tried to get the protesters to leave.

    One more paragraph and we're finished.


  10. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #30

    Re: Based on the phenomenon in HK currently, I wrote a short essay to reflect my feel

    Quote Originally Posted by MiboMibo View Post
    How ridiculous can a government be to ignore the voice of its citizens? How heartless can the police be to evacuate those unarmed and peaceful protesters with merciless violence? How shameless can a chief executive be to not care about the social movement and refuse a face-to-face conversation? Perhaps Hong Kong people have achieved nothing through this demonstration, but they have already demonstrated the high quality of Hong Kong people to the people all over the world.
    Almost there!

    Last edited by Tarheel; 31-Oct-2014 at 21:21. Reason: Fixed something. (Thanks to BobK)

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