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    #1

    Satisfaction, part four

    Please would you take a look at the fourth part of my text, "Satisfaction", and correct my mistakes.

    If you somehow had an opportunity to listen on these newly rich people discussing their plans and wishes, you would probably notice that they do not mention their brain - the most important and most complicated organ on earth. This soft substance hidden behind the skull is like a tiny baby that needs to be cherished, and taken care of to grow up and feel good. It must be nourished, fed and watered. It must be loved like a woman, hugged and kissed for hours. You have to talk to it, ask questions, plead, and even quarrel with. Anything is better than leaving it alone and turning all the attention to the physical world. Left on its own, the brain is crying and howling. If you ignore it, it starts to wither and turn against you. When that happens, you are beyond hope. Nothing and nobody can save you. No money and richness of this world can make you human again.

    In the history of humankind, there were occasions when humans had tried to create Utopia. A man or a group of men and women would come up with an idea of a prosperous society in which everyone would be happy and live in harmony with other fellow citizens. All these ideas had failed in the end, and sometimes they morphed into the opposite. One of the main reasons for their failure had been people’s inability to thrust their own brains. They did not have patience or time to converse with themselves. To have conversation with one’s own brain requires perseverance, patience, contemplation and silence. However, it is not without risk. It can be painful and hurtful when the truth comes out, or when a strong belief appears to be an illusion without substance. Such revelation can shake people in such a manner that they become mentally ill, or in the worst cases, they commit suicide. Therefore, it is more convenient to listen to a leader, put your fate into his hands, and follow him blindly. Many times people are lied to and manipulated, and their brains willingly kept in ignorance. Still, they do not question the leader’s decisions. One day when they have finally understood what is going on it is too late. Paradise has turned into a nightmare

    The 20th century has seen Communism and Nazism beginning as two Utopias, which promised total freedom for the working class, but instead ended as deranged political systems with Gulags and death camps. Sitting in his shabby, overcrowded flat in London, the destitute Marx wrote his “Capital” with a view to helping people to understand capitalism. He probably believed that their knowledge would gradually enable them to change the system, and build a more generous and equal society. Unfortunately, he was unable to predict or prevent a moustachioed man coming to power, a few decades later. Mr Stalin arrived as a communist Messiah, who would bring freedom to the oppressed nations, but went down in history as a mass murderer with around 20 million killed.

    Another great European nation, which gave birth to such geniuses as Kant and Bach, chose their moustached man as the leader. He promised them the 1000-year reign, which lasted only 12 years and caused indescribable suffering. Some wise people had warned their fellow citizens of these two dangerous individuals from the very beginning. They had told them that their minds were unscrupulous, and they were going to bring disaster on everyone, but the masses did not want to listen to them. The masses called these wise men traitors, despised them, and turned instead to the manipulators who played with their brains as if they were toys. They were prepared to sacrifice everything for an idea, which was both grandiose and ridiculous. Even when their children were returning home in coffins covered with flags, or alive, but without their limbs, their parents still refused to see the truth, refused to talk to their brains.
    TO BE CONTINUED

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    #2

    Re: Satisfaction, part four

    If you somehow had an opportunity to listen on to these newly rich people discussing their plans and wishes, you would probably notice that they do not mention their brain - the most important and most complicated organ on earth. This The soft substance hidden behind the skull is like a tiny baby that needs to be cherished, and taken care of to grow up and feel good. It must be nourished, fed and watered. It must be loved like a woman, hugged and kissed for hours. You have to talk to it, ask questions, plead, and even quarrel with it. Anything is better than leaving it alone and turning all the attention to the physical world. Left on its own, the brain is crying cries and howling howls. If you ignore it, it starts to wither and turn against you. When that happens, you are beyond hope. Nothing and nobody can save you. No money and richness of this world can make you human again.

    In the history of humankind, there were occasions when humans had tried to create Utopia. A man or a group of men and women would come up with an idea of a prosperous society in which everyone would be happy and live in harmony with other fellow citizens. All these ideas had failed in the end, and sometimes they morphed into the opposite. One of the main reasons for their failure had been people’s inability to thrust trust their own brains. They did not have patience or time to converse with themselves. To have conversation with one’s own brain requires perseverance, patience, contemplation and silence. However, it is not without risk. It can be painful and hurtful when the truth comes out, or when a strong belief appears to be an illusion without substance. Such revelation can shake people in such a manner that they become mentally ill, or in the worst cases, they commit suicide. Therefore, it is more convenient to listen to a leader, put your fate into his hands, and follow him blindly. Many times people are lied to and manipulated, and their brains willingly kept in ignorance. Still, they do not question the leader’s decisions. One day, when they have finally understood what is going on, it is too late. Paradise has turned into a nightmare

    The 20th century has seen Communism and Nazism beginning as two Utopias, which promised total freedom for the working class, but instead ended as deranged political systems with Gulags and death camps. Sitting in his shabby, overcrowded flat in London, the destitute Marx wrote his “Capital” with a view to helping people to understand capitalism. He probably believed that their knowledge would gradually enable them to change the system, and build a more generous and equal society. Unfortunately, he was unable to predict or prevent a moustachioed man coming to power(,) a few decades later. Mr Stalin arrived as a communist Messiah, who would bring freedom to the oppressed nations, but went down in history as a mass murderer with around 20 million killed.

    Another great European nation, which gave birth to such geniuses as Kant and Bach, chose their moustached man as the leader. He promised them the 1000-year reign, which lasted only 12 years and caused indescribable suffering. Some wise people had warned their fellow citizens of these two dangerous individuals from the very beginning. They had told them that their minds were unscrupulous, and they were going to bring disaster on everyone, but the masses did not want to listen to them. The masses called these wise men traitors, despised them, and turned instead to the manipulators who played with their brains as if they were toys. They were prepared to sacrifice everything for an idea, which was both grandiose and ridiculous. Even when their children were returning home in coffins covered with flags, or alive, but without their limbs, their parents still refused to see the truth, refused to talk to their brains.

    not a teacher

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    #3

    Re: Satisfaction, part four

    tedmc,
    Thank you so much for correcting my text. I really appreciate your help.

    If you have time, please could you tell me why is the present better than the present continues in my sentence which reads, "...Left on its own the brain is crying and howling."

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    #4

    Re: Satisfaction, part four

    The rest of the paragraph is in the present tense so I thought it is better to be consistent.

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