I'm applying to study for an Msc in Finance and the university I'm applying to has asked me to write an essay titled:
"What do you consider your best strongpoint or asset? Describe a situation where you
demonstrated this strength or asset" (250 words):

Here is what I wrote so far. Any input would be deeply appreciated.
E**** is the name of the University I'm applying to and D****** is the name of the Company I work for (it is a large financial services firm I'll let your imagination fill in the rest). This is my first time posting so I'm not sure how much or how little info to share.

My biggest asset I believe is my motivation to constantly develop and improve myself, while most people would be satisfied to work for a company like D******* as I am. My desire to further develop and improve myself is the main reason I am applying to the E**** Msc Finance.

During my freshman year of University I noticed that I had a lot of idle time so, external to the regular course and extra-curricular activities I decided to learn French, I signed up for classes at a nearby institute and took several courses throughout the year. That summer, I learned that the Paris-Sorbonne University in Abu Dhabi was offering an intensive summer French course, instead of travelling as I usually would because of the weather in the UAE. I chose to drive every day for a month from Dubai to Abu Dhabi. At the end of the course I had become quite fluent in French, but I was not yet satisfied. Over the Christmas Break I went to Paris for 5 weeks by myself to completely immerse and force myself to only speak French.

Fortunately, the aforementioned endeavor paid dividends when I was assigned by D****** to a French client, where there had been barriers both cultural and lingual. I managed to not only use my lingual skills but also the cultural knowledge I had obtained by going the extra mile to resolve issues quickly between the two parties. Through becoming somewhat of a bridge between the client and the engagement team I managed to boost the morale of the team and the client as the amount of conflicts had been reduced significantly and in turn improve the overall efficiency of the engagement. The teamís final meeting with the clientís management was very successful and the feedback received by the engagement manager corroborated my belief that the engagement had become far more cohesive than it was at the beginning. I personally felt a sense of achievement that although I was relatively new to the company I had not only done what was expected of me but was able to add something new by offering the client a different dimension of service and strengthening the relationship between the client and the team. I therefore believe that the strive of self-development would allow me to excel in any competitive environment.

Thanks. Please don't hold back-I want it to be the best it can be.