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    #1

    Kindly proof read my motivation letter and make necessary correction.

    Dear Sir/Madam,

    I am writing to express my deepest interest in admission for masters in Geo-information science and Earth Observation for Environmental Modeling and Management (GEM) at university of Twente. This wonderful opportunity will enable me embrace the current techniques in Geomatics engineering and explore various avenues related to Geo-information science based on the high quality nature of your curriculum.

    I graduated in July 2013 at Jomo Kenyatta University of Agriculture and Technology with a bachelor degree in Geomatics Engineering and Geospatial Information System. I have been building my career in Kenya as a surveyor as well as GIS technician. I have always wished to expand my experience and knowledge in remote sensing but due to inadequate number of remote sensing institutions in Kenya, my main focus has been survey and GIS. My main goal is to be part of a research group in remote sensing and work in local universities so as to improve research in our institutions through training and capacity building.

    In my country, we are endowed with a lot of natural resources ranging from wildlife to natural vegetation. Monitoring these resources to ensure they are kept to their original standard and not destroyed by people and fire has been a major challenge. Remote sensing offers the best opportunity to safe guard and improve the existing situation on the ground through analysis of satellite images based on a given time frame. Lack of experts to ensure all these resources are protected has been a major problem.

    I could have enrolled in one of our local university if I was financially stable, but then I wonít be able to make the change I have always wished for. This is because the trend could have been the same with same facilities and technologies I used in my undergraduate. We lack several resources and technologies in my country that can be used to strengthen and model someone into world class standard. Therefore, this scholarship is the only opportunity I have to fulfill my career dream.

    This scholarship opportunity offered at such a prestigious university is not only the key to fulfilling my career dream, but also a chance to get exposed and interact with people from different countries. I have always believed that through diversity, a new idea that never existed can be created when people of different background meet and interact. Kenyan culture particularly from my community will stand a chance of exposure as I enjoy other people culture too.

    Based on my experience, I have worked and interacted with geologists, environmental officers, civil engineers and archeologists. I believe these skills I have gained will enable me interact and bind faster with individuals from different departments.

    At the end I would like to point out that I am always passionate and determined to make the most out of this wonderful scholarship program. I believe that being a student in your department would not only empower my career development, but would give me the framework to utilize my full potentials. This is a dream come true opportunity that will make me give out my best in academics.

    It will be a good pleasure joining university of Twente as a masters student in Geo-Information Science and Earth Observation for Environmental Modeling. Thank you in advance.

    Yours sincerely,
    Kris Muga

  1. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Kindly proof read my motivation letter and make necessary correction.

    I'll start, and maybe somebody else will finish.

    Quote Originally Posted by krismuga View Post
    Dear Sir/Madam,

    I am writing to express my deepest interest in admission for masters in Geo-information science and Earth Observation for Environmental Modeling and Management (GEM) at the University of Twente. This wonderful opportunity will enable me to embrace the current techniques in Geomatics engineering and explore various avenues related to Geo-information science based on the high quality of your curriculum.

    I graduated in July 2013 at Jomo Kenyatta University of Agriculture and Technology with a bachelor degree in Geomatics Engineering and Geospatial Information System. I have been building my career in Kenya as a surveyor as well as GIS technician. I have always wished to expand my experience and knowledge in remote sensing, but due to an inadequate number of remote sensing institutions in Kenya, my main focus has been survey and GIS. My main goal is to be part of a research group in remote sensing and work in local universities so as to improve research in our institutions through training and capacity building.
    It should probably be Geospatial Information Systems. Also, I think it should be surveying and GIS. (But what do I know? )

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Kindly proof read my motivation letter and make necessary correction.

    You want to get exposure, not get exposed.

    Got to go!

    • Member Info
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      • Kenya
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    #4

    Re: Kindly proof read my motivation letter and make necessary correction.

    Dear Sir/Madam,

    I am writing to express my deepest interest in admission for masters in Geo-information science and Earth Observation for Environmental Modeling and Management (GEM) at the University of Twente. This wonderful opportunity will enable me to embrace the current techniques in Geomatics engineering and explore various avenues related to Geo-information science based on the high quality of your curriculum.

    I graduated in July 2013 at Jomo Kenyatta University of Agriculture and Technology with a bachelor degree in Geomatics Engineering and Geospatial Information Systems. I have been building my career in Kenya as a surveyor as well as GIS technician. I have always wished to expand my experience and knowledge in remote sensing, but due to an inadequate number of remote sensing institutions in Kenya, my main focus has been survey and GIS. My main goal is to be part of a research group in remote sensing and work in local universities so as to improve research in our institutions through training and capacity building.

    In my country, we are endowed with a lot of natural resources ranging from wildlife to natural vegetation. Monitoring these resources to ensure they are kept to their original standard and not destroyed by people and fire has been a major challenge. Remote sensing offers the best opportunity to safe guard and improve the existing situation on the ground through analysis of satellite images based on a given time frame. Lack of experts to ensure all these resources are protected has been a major problem.

    I could have enrolled in one of our local university if I was financially stable, but then I won’t be able to make the change I have always wished for. This is because the trend could have been the same with same facilities and technologies I used in my undergraduate. We lack some resources and technologies in my country that can be used to strengthen and model someone into world class standard. Therefore, this scholarship is the only opportunity I have to fulfill my career dream.

    This scholarship opportunity offered at such a prestigious university is not only the key to fulfilling my career dream, but also a chance to get exposed and interact with people from different countries. I have always believed that through diversity, a new idea that never existed can be created when people of different background meet and interact. Kenyan culture particularly from my community will stand a chance of exposure as I enjoy other people culture too.

    Based on my experience, I have worked and interacted with geologists, environmental officers, civil engineers and archeologists. I believe these skills I have gained will enable me interact and bind faster with individuals from different departments.

    At the end I would like to point out that I am always passionate and determined to make the most out of this wonderful scholarship program. I believe that being a student in your department would not only empower my career development, but would give me the framework to utilize my full potentials. This is a dream come true opportunity that will make me give out my best in academics.

    It will be a good pleasure joining university of Twente as a masters student in Geo-Information Science and Earth Observation for Environmental Modeling. Thank you in advance.

    Yours sincerely,
    Kris Muga

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Kindly proof read my motivation letter and make necessary correction.

    Quote Originally Posted by krismuga View Post
    Dear Sir/Madam,

    I am writing to express my deepest interest in admission for masters in Geo-information science and Earth Observation for Environmental Modeling and Management (GEM) at the University of Twente. This wonderful opportunity will enable me to embrace the current techniques in Geomatics engineering and explore various avenues related to Geo-information science based on the high quality of your curriculum.

    I graduated in July 2013 at Jomo Kenyatta University of Agriculture and Technology with a bachelor degree in Geomatics Engineering and Geospatial Information Systems. I have been building my career in Kenya as a surveyor as well as GIS technician. I have always wished to expand my experience and knowledge in remote sensing, but due to an inadequate number of remote sensing institutions in Kenya, my main focus has been surveying and GIS. My main goal is to be part of a research group in remote sensing and work in local universities so as to improve research in our institutions through training and capacity building.

    In my country, we are endowed with a lot of natural resources ranging from wildlife to a variety of plant life. Monitoring these resources to ensure they are kept to their original standard and not destroyed by people and fire has been a major challenge. Remote sensing offers the best opportunity to safeguard and improve the existing situation on the ground through analysis of satellite images based on a given time frame. Lack of experts to ensure all these resources are protected has been a major problem.

    I could have enrolled in one of our local universities if I was financially stable, but then I wonít be able to make the change I have always wished for. This is because the trend could have been the same with same facilities and technologies I used in my undergraduate studies. We lack some resources and technologies in my country that can be used to strengthen and model someone into world class standard. Therefore, this scholarship is the only opportunity I have to fulfill my career dream.

    This scholarship opportunity offered at such a prestigious university is not only the key to fulfilling my career dream, but also a chance to get exposure and interact with people from different countries. I have always believed that through diversity, a new idea that never existed before can be created when people of different backgrounds meet and interact. Kenyan culture, particularly from my community, will stand a chance of exposure as I enjoy other people's cultures too.

    Based on my experience, I have worked and interacted with geologists, environmental officers, civil engineers and archeologists. I believe these skills I have gained will enable me interact and bind faster with individuals from different departments.

    At the end I would like to point out that I am always passionate and determined to make the most out of this wonderful scholarship program. I believe that being a student in your department would not only empower my career development, but would give me the framework to achieve my full potential. This is a dream come true opportunity that will make me give out my best in academics.

    It will be a dream come true joining university of Twente as a masters student in Geo-Information Science and Earth Observation for Environmental Modeling. Thank you in advance.

    Yours sincerely,
    Kris Muga
    Comments.

    I am not sure what capacity building is.
    I am not sure how you model someone.
    I am not sure why people use the word "utilize" when "use" means the same thing and is shorter.
    Finished!


    • Member Info
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    #6

    Post Re: Kindly proof read my motivation letter and make necessary correction.

    DearSir/Madam,

    I am writing to express my deepest interest in admission for masters in Geo-information science and Earth Observation for Environmental Modeling and Management (GEM) at the University of Twente. This wonderful opportunity will enable me to embrace the current techniques in Geomatics engineering and explore various avenues related to Geo-information science based on the high quality of your curriculum.

    I graduated in July 2013 at Jomo Kenyatta University of Agriculture and Technology with a bachelor degree in Geomatics Engineering and Geospatial Information Systems. I have been building my career in Kenya as a surveyor as well as GIS technician. I have always wished to expand my experience and knowledge in remote sensing, but due to an inadequate number of remote sensing institutions in Kenya, my main focus has been surveying and GIS. My main goal is to be part of a research group in remote sensing and work in local universities so as to improve research in our institutions through training and capacity building.

    In my country, we are endowed with a lot of natural resources ranging from wildlife to a variety of plant life. Monitoring these resources to ensure they are kept to their original standard and not destroyed by people and fire has been a major challenge. Remote sensing offers the best opportunity to safeguard and improve the existing situation on the ground through analysis of satellite images based on a given time frame. Lack of experts to ensure all these resources are protected has been a major problem.

    I could have enrolled in one of our local universities if I was financially stable, but then I wonít be able to make the change I have always wished for. This is because the trend could have been the same with same facilities and technologies I used in my undergraduate studies. We lack some resources and technologies in my country that can be used to strengthen and model someone into world class standard. Therefore, this scholarship is the only opportunity I have to fulfill my career dream.

    This scholarship opportunity offered at such a prestigious university is not only the key to fulfilling my career dream, but also a chance to get exposure and interact with people from different countries. I have always believed that through diversity, a new idea that never existed before can be created when people of different backgrounds meet and interact. Kenyan culture, particularly from my community, will stand a chance of exposure as I enjoy other people's cultures too.

    Based on my experience, I have worked and interacted with geologists, environmental officers, civil engineers and archeologists. I believe these skills I have gained will enable me interact and bind faster with individuals from different departments.

    At the end I would like to point out that I am always passionate and determined to make the most out of this wonderful scholarship program. I believe that being a student in your department would not only empower my career development, but would give me the framework to achieve my full potential. This is a dream come true opportunity that will make me give out my best in academics.

    It will be a dream come true joining university of Twente as a masters student in Geo-Information Science and Earth Observation for Environmental Modeling.

  4. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Kindly proof read my motivation letter and make necessary correction.

    One more thing. (Sorry for not mentioning this earlier.) I am pretty sure that you bond with people, not bind with them.


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