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    #1

    Satisfaction, part seventh

    Please would you take a look at the seventh part of my text, "Satisfaction," and correct my mistakes.

    Despite all great promises about an equal and happy society, the gap between the establishment and politicians on the one side and the working class on the other has never been as wide as it is today. Politicians are omnipresent in the media, but ordinary people perceive them as out of touch with reality - self-serving individuals who do not care about ordinary people. The mistrust is especially growing among the working class, which pays a high price for any misdemeanours and misdeeds of the elite. When large banks collapse, ordinary taxpayers will foot the bill. Their bosses will continue to work on as if nothing has happened. There will be some stir in the media, some shouts and cries from the masses that will fade away, and life will continue as before. Many will think this is the last straw and revolution is in the offing. But revolution will never happen, even if the economic situation becomes worse. In the case of war, it will be again sons and daughters of the working class who are going to be sacrificed and later will return home in coffins covered with flags, suffering from PTSD or without their limbs. Their peers from the Establishment will be far away from the horrors of war, usually in some of the favourite destinations of the jet set, where champagne flows like a river, and where the youth learns how to waste money on sports cars, yachts, watches and other shiny objects on trend.

    People’s brains are conditioned to behave in a certain way. They see injustice and inequality, they feel deep inside themselves that something is wrong with society, but they will remain silent. Rebellion has become a taboo in modern capitalist society. Many are dissatisfied with their lives, but they bear their plight quietly. They look around asking themselves if their fellow human beings feel the same, but they do not dare to inquire. They are afraid of being embarrassed, of showing their weakness, and of becoming victims of bullying. It is always easier to be part of a collective even if it is on the wrong path than search for the truth alone. Rare are those who are strong enough and brave, and who have chosen their own path without caring what others think. They are often isolated and live the lives of outsiders. They also pay the price because they are like the tribesmen who have lost contact with their tribes. They are probably dissatisfied just as the first group, but at least they can comfort themselves that nobody is manipulating their minds. Their brains are their main company and they are never bored. They discover their brains like the universe; they cross boundaries and go beyond reality. They do not need a supreme leader or similar authority to tell them how to behave and what is right or wrong. They simply listen to their brains.

    In the last two, three decades appeared a new sort of psychologists and spiritual leaders who started to talk about happiness as they have never done before. To be happy at any price has become a new fad. Humans should feel cheerful and satisfied even if they were deeply depressed. These charlatans together with the large pharmaceutical companies have earned and still are earning billions of dollars selling an illusion. Happiness cannot be prescribed like medicine to people. It is an abstract idea that has different meanings in different countries and cultures. For someone in the materialistic West, a possession of an expensive sports car can mean the highest happiness, while the same object means nothing to a Quechua man in Peru. However, even the most expensive objects and goods will not make a Westerner happy and satisfied in the long run. Eventually something is going to gnaw at him, to make him anxious and empty. He will probably search for help in many places, talk to many specialists, undergo therapies, and swallow all kind of wonder pills, to no avail. If he only knew how to talk to his best friend, to his brain!
    THE END

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    #2

    Re: Satisfaction, part seventh

    Despite all great promises about an equal and happy society, the gap between the establishment and politicians on the one side and the working class on the other has never been as wide as it is today. Politicians are omnipresent in the media, but ordinary people perceive them as out of touch with reality - self-serving individuals who do not care about ordinary people. The mistrust is especially growing among the working class, which pays a high price for any misdemeanours and misdeeds of the elite. When large banks collapse, ordinary taxpayers will foot the bill. Their bosses will continue to work on as if nothing has happened. There will be some stir in the media, some shouts and cries from the masses that will fade away, and life will continue as before. Many will think this is the last straw and revolution is in the offing. But revolution will never happen, even if the economic situation becomes worse. In the case of war, it will be again sons and daughters of the working class who are going to be sacrificed and later will return home in coffins covered with flags, suffering from PTSD or without their limbs. Their peers from the Establishment will be far away from the horrors of war, usually in some of the favourite destinations of the jet set, where champagne flows like a river, and where the youth learns how to waste money on sports cars, yachts, watches and other shiny objects on-trend.

    People’s brains are conditioned to behave in a certain way. When they see injustice and inequality, they feel deep inside themselves that something is wrong with society, but they will remain silent. Rebellion has become a taboo in modern capitalist society. Many are dissatisfied with their lives, but they bear their plight quietly. They look around asking themselves if their fellow human beings feel the same, but they do not dare to inquire. They are afraid of being embarrassed, of showing their weaknesses, and of becoming victims of bullying. It is always easier to be part of a collective even if it is on the wrong path than search for the truth alone. Rare are those who are strong enough and brave, and who have chosen their own path without caring what others think. They are often isolated and live the lives of outsiders. They also pay the price because they are like the tribesmen who have lost contact with their tribes. They are probably dissatisfied just as the first group, but at least they can comfort themselves that nobody is manipulating their minds. Their brains are their main company and they are never bored. They discover their brains are like the universe; they cross boundaries and go beyond reality. They do not need a supreme leader or similar authority to tell them how to behave and what is right or wrong. They simply listen to their brains.

    In the last two, three decades, there appeared a new sort of psychologists and spiritual leaders who started to talk about happiness as they have had never done before. To be happy at any price has become a new fad. Humans should feel cheerful and satisfied even if they were deeply depressed. These charlatans together with the large pharmaceutical companies have earned and still are earning billions of dollars selling an illusion. Happiness cannot be prescribed like medicine to people. It is an abstract idea that has different meanings in different countries and cultures. For someone in the materialistic West, a possession of an expensive sports car can mean the highest happiness, while the same object means nothing to a Quechua man in Peru. However, even the most expensive objects and goods will not make a Westerner happy and satisfied in the long run. Eventually something is going to gnaw at him, to make him anxious and empty. He will probably search for help in many places, talk to many specialists, undergo therapies, and swallow all kinds of wonder pills, to no avail. If he only knew how to talk to his best friend, to - his brain!(dash suggested to draw attention)

    not a teacher

  1. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Satisfaction, part seventh

    What is an equal society?


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    #4

    Re: Satisfaction, part seventh

    He probably means an egalitarian society

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    #5

    Re: Satisfaction, part seventh

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post

    Despite all the great promises about achieving an egalitarian society, the gap between the establishment and politicians on the one side and the working class on the other has never been as wide as it is today. Politicians are omnipresent in the media, but ordinary people perceive them as out of touch with reality - self-serving individuals who do not care about ordinary people. The mistrust is especially growing among the working class, which pays a high price for the misdeeds of the elite. When large banks collapse, ordinary taxpayers will foot the bill. Their bosses will continue to work on as if nothing has happened. Life continues as before, and nothing gets done.
    ~Ron
    Last edited by Tarheel; 24-Nov-2014 at 23:13. Reason: Added "the"

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    #6

    Re: Satisfaction, part seventh

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    There is some stir in the media, some shouts and cries from the masses that will fade away, and life continues as before.
    ~Ron

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    #7

    Re: Satisfaction, part seventh

    Tarheel,
    Thank you for helping me and correcting my mistakes. I see that you use the present instead of my future. Is it because the future with "will" is not grammatically or maybe stylistically correct? For example, I have used, "There will be same stir in the media." and you " there is some stir.." Or "Their bosses will continue to work" , and you "They bosses continue to work..."

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    #8

    Re: Satisfaction, part seventh

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    Tarheel,
    Thank you for helping me and correcting my mistakes. I see that you use the present instead of my future. Is it because the future with "will" is not grammatically or maybe stylistically correct? For example, I have used, "There will be same stir in the media." and you " there is some stir.." Or "Their bosses will continue to work" , and you "They bosses continue to work..."
    That's a good question, and I have been wondering if I should continue to do that. It does start off in the present tense. (Perhaps I thought the change was too abrupt.) (BTW, if I said "They bosses" that was definitely a goof.) Perhaps it would be best to have two versions and choose the one that works best.

    Sometimes it's best to call them corrections, and other times the suggestions are just that -- suggestions. Oh, I do have another suggestion while I'm at it. (I roll things around in my head, and sometimes I come up with new ideas.) The sentence in question is:

    Despite all the great promises about achieving an egalitarian society, the gap between the establishment and politicians on the one side and the working class on the other has never been as wide as it is today.

    Change that to:


    Despite all the great promises about achieving an egalitarian society, the gap between the establishment and politicians on the one side and the working class on the other has never been wider it is today.

    Because that gap is the widest it's ever been. And, in that case, you could also say:


    Despite all the great promises about achieving an egalitarian society, the gap between the establishment and politicians on the one side and the working class on the other is the widest that it's ever been.

    (Doing this is harder than you might think. I usually have several threads going at the same time.)

    I think those sentences are both an improvement, but as for choosing one or the other it is, I think, a matter of preference. What do you think?


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    #9

    Re: Satisfaction, part seventh

    Tarheel,
    Thank you for doing such a great job and helping people on this forum. You and "tedmc" have brought a breath of fresh air on this "Editing" topic. I really appreciate that you both have dedicated so much of your spare time correcting all kinds of texts and helping people.
    Regarding the sentence "Despite the great promises...." I think it is as you say a matter of preference because they all in the end mean the same. My favourite would be the first one, "...has never been as wide as it is today". But English is not my first language, so probably you have much better feeling what sounds right or wrong than I would ever have.

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    #10

    Re: Satisfaction, part seventh

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post

    Despite all the great promises about an egalitarian society, the gap between the establishment and politicians on the one side and the working class on the other has never been wider than it is today. Politicians are omnipresent in the media, but ordinary people perceive them as out of touch with reality - self-serving individuals who do not care about ordinary people. The mistrust is especially growing among the working class, which pays a high price for any misdeeds of the elite. When large banks collapse, ordinary taxpayers will foot the bill. Their bosses will continue to work on as if nothing has happened. There will be some stir in the media, some shouts and cries from the masses that will fade away, and life will continue as before. Many will think this is the last straw and revolution is in the offing. But revolution will never happen, even if the economic situation becomes worse. In the case of war, it will be again sons and daughters of the working class who are going to be sacrificed and later will return home in coffins covered with flags, suffering from PTSD or without their limbs. Their peers from the Establishment will be far away from the horrors of war, usually in some of the favourite destinations of the jet set, where champagne flows like a river, and where the youth learns how to waste money on sports cars, yachts, watches and other shiny objects on trend.

    People are conditioned to behave in a certain way. They see injustice and inequality, and they feel deep inside themselves that something is wrong with society, but they will remain silent. Rebellion has become a taboo in modern capitalist society. Many are dissatisfied with their lives, but they bear their plight quietly. They look around asking themselves if their fellow human beings feel the same, but they do not dare to inquire. They are afraid of being embarrassed, of showing their weakness, and of becoming victims of bullying. It is always easier to be part of a collective even if it is on the wrong path than search for the truth alone. Rare are those who are strong enough and brave, and who have chosen their own path without caring what others think. They are often isolated and live the lives of outsiders. They also pay the price because they are like the tribesmen who have lost contact with their tribes. They are probably dissatisfied just as the first group, but at least they can comfort themselves that nobody is manipulating their minds. Their thoughts are their main company, and they are never bored. They discover their thoughts like the universe; they cross boundaries and go beyond reality. They do not need a supreme leader or similar authority to tell them how to behave and what is right or wrong. They simply listen to their their inner voices.

    In the last two, three decades appeared a new group of psychologists and spiritual leaders who started to talk about happiness as they have never done before. To be happy at any price has become a new fad. Humans should feel cheerful and satisfied even if they are deeply depressed. These charlatans together with the large pharmaceutical companies have earned and still are earning billions of dollars selling an illusion. Happiness cannot be prescribed like medicine. (Take a pill and you'll be happy.) It is an abstract idea that has different meanings in different countries and cultures. For someone in the materialistic West, a possession of an expensive sports car can mean the highest happiness, while the same object means nothing to a Quechua man in Peru. However, even the most expensive objects and goods will not make a Westerner happy and satisfied in the long run. Eventually something is going to gnaw at him, to make him anxious and empty. He will probably search for help in many places, talk to many specialists, undergo therapies, and swallow all kinds of wonder pills, to no avail. If he only knew how to talk to his best friend, to his brain!
    THE END

    OK

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