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    #1

    Smile A little story

    -
    thanks for help!
    Last edited by Tailieto; 24-Nov-2014 at 14:47.

  1. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #2

    Rita

    Quote Originally Posted by Tailieto View Post

    The sun was shining and the birds were singing. Rita sighed deeply.
    That's OK.


    Quote Originally Posted by Tailieto View Post
    "Have you made up your mind?" asked Maria, as she leaned against an outside wall of the house and looked at nothing in particular.
    Hm.

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: A little story

    Quote Originally Posted by Tailieto View Post
    ‘I guess so.’ her friend smirked, nervously fingering the flowers she held in her hands. They’d been collecting them for a few hours and only after they had picked up enough did she tell Maria what she had been thinking about.
    ‘What did your parents say?’
    ‘I haven’t told them yet. And maybe I won’t. I don’t think they’ll let me go to a big town on my own. But it’s the only way for me to achieve my dreams.’
    1. Smirked?
    2. Why are you using that kind of quote marks?


  3. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: A little story

    Quote Originally Posted by Tailieto View Post
    Rita, please don’t go away,’ they heard a tiny voice from aside. It was Rita’s brother, Tim. He was peeking around the corner.
    ‘Were you spying on us?!‘ a girl yelled angrily, getting up from the ground.
    What girl? What's a tiny voice from aside?


    Quote Originally Posted by Tailieto View Post
    ‘Don’t be mad at him. He is right, Rita. Don’t leave us.’ Maria smiled sadly. The girl stopped and looked at her, then around. The sun was shining brightly and the birds were singing happily.
    Huh?

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    #5

    Re: A little story

    Two things. (Okay. Three.)

    1. Instead of "Don't leave us," Maria smiled sadly, instead, try: "Don't leave us," Maria said. "We'll miss you terribly."
    2. The girls stopped and looked at her then, around. No. (I don't know what that means.)
    3. What is the idea of deleting everything from the original post?


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