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  1. Newbie
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    #1

    Suggestion wanted for this sentence

    Hi, everyone,

    I have a sentence for the topic, filial piety.. I don't know it make sense or not.
    I really need suggestion for it, and here's the sentence below, thanks.

    She grew up with the love and care of her mother, giving her love and support to her mother last october when her poor mother got seriously ill in bed.

    Bo

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Suggestion wanted for this sentence

    Quote Originally Posted by xobli View Post
    Hi, everyone,

    I have a sentence for the topic, filial piety.. I don't know it makes sense or not.
    I really need suggestions for it, and here's the sentence below.

    She grew up with the love and care of her mother, giving her love and support to her mother last october when her poor mother got seriously ill in bed.

    Bo
    Try:

    She grew up with the love and nurturing of her mother, and gave her loving support to her mother last October while her mother was seriously ill and bedridden.

    Eh?

  3. MikeNewYork's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Suggestion wanted for this sentence

    I would get rid of the second "her".

  4. Newbie
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    #4

    Re: Suggestion wanted for this sentence

    Yes, it looks great and readable.
    I have another question. So "when" is a wrong usage in the original sentence?
    I am not sure about that. Can I just omit "when" or still have to change to "while"?

    ---

    Oh, it seems that I cannot omit "when", the "when" sounds to be a conj from a clause to next.
    Last edited by xobli; 07-Dec-2014 at 16:38.

  5. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Suggestion wanted for this sentence

    OK. Another possibility:

    She grew up with the love and nurturing of her mother, and gave her loving support to her mother last October when she was seriously ill and bedridden.

    Most (if not all) readers will know that the second "she" refers to her mother.



  6. MikeNewYork's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Suggestion wanted for this sentence

    My point was that "gave loving support" is just as good as "gave her loving support". Who else's support would she give?

  7. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Suggestion wanted for this sentence

    OK. (Ron reminds himself to stop posting while drinking.)


  8. MikeNewYork's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: Suggestion wanted for this sentence


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