Application for admission to school

[Deepti15]

This is a draft letter I wrote to send to the principal of the new school. Please help in correcting any mistakes and add any more information if necessary. Thank you so much.


Dear Madam,


This letter is a request for you to consider admission of our daughter, XYZ to your esteemed institution.
She is currently studying in Grade II.
The _________School is synonymous with quality education.The curriculum is designed to help each child reach his or her full potential.The school has a holistic approach to education, it doesn't merely teach a child to read , write and count but also what counts in life ahead.The paradigm stretches beyond the class room taking into its gamut extra –curricular activites which encourages a student to think, take decisions and express themselves freely.
"The way a twig is bent so is the tree inclined ", so if a child's formative years are spent under the guardianship of this school,the parents are assured that their child will be confident and equipped with the necessary skills to carve a niche for themselves.
We have great respect for your school's overall educational philosophy, dedicated teaching staff and think highly of the the school's facilities. We believe your school can provide a good environment in which she can study, and can effectively equip her for the challenges of the future.


In conclusion, XYZ is an ambitious, well motivated and hard working girl who is very keen to learn. If she is admitted to your school, she will gain opportunities to strive for academic excellence in order to develop to her full potential.


It has been our aspiration that she be able to continue her education in your prestigious school. Please kindly consider in giving her a place ,where she can learn to face more challenges and excel further under your guidance.


Thank you very much for your kind attention and we look forward to hear from you.


Yours sincerely,

 

[Tarheel]

This is a draft letter I am writing to send to the principal of the new school. Please help by correcting any mistakes and add any more information if necessary.

Nobody uses Roman numerals anymore except for Super Bowls.

:roll:

 

[Tarheel]

Try:

Please find a place for her in your school. She will be a valuable addition.​

 

[emsr2d2]

You have wasted a lot of time telling the reader of the letter what the school does. The school staff already know they what they do. You need to spend much more time telling them about your daughter and specifically why they should give her a place at the school.