Results 1 to 3 of 3
  1. Newbie
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jan 2015
    • Posts: 3
    #1

    Post How Can I Possibly Improve My Writing?

    Hello to all the teachers and helpers on Using English! My name is Josh and I am a sophomore at a certain high school in the US. I recently went through a timed write/ persuasive essay on a book called Antigone (which is actually within a trilogy called Oedipus Rex, you've probably heard of it). The topic was on an argument between the king Creon and his son Haemon on the execution of the son's soon-to-be wife, Antigone. The essay was supposed to provide different types of persuasion devices and tools that Haemon used during his talk with his father. I had prepared a great deal for this essay and had high expectations for the grade that I would get back. My teacher grades on a scale from one to nine, and when she returned my essay I found out that I had gotten a measly four . The sole purpose of me creating an account on this forum was so that I could improve my writing ability and also to learn how to create an essay that my teacher would like . All I would like to know is how I could improve the flow of my writing and make it more appealing. Below is said essay--I had forty-five minutes to complete it, with notes and open book. I also had to rush the ending because of time pressure. Thanks for reading,

    Josh

    P.S. She wrote at the top of the essay "not analyzing much" and in the middle of the second paragraph "not that emotional" for one of my quotes, and later in the third paragraph "not enough on logos"

    Oedipus & Antigone Final Essay

    Within the play Antigone by Sophocles Haemon argues with his father King Creon to try and save his soon-to-be wife Antigone from certain death. Haemon uses the persuasive devices pathos and logos to appeal to his father and fortify his stand on Antigone's execution. The use of both pathos and logos within Haemon's argument was the best shot at convincing Creon to save Antigone.
    Even though Haemon disagreed with his father, he still showed his respect to King Creon through his words. The quote "Father, I am your loving son and you the wise preceptor of my ways, whom I most follow" (220) is an example of Haemon stating his respect and trust into King Creon. The pathos that Haemon starts with puts Creon into a good mood which improves Haemon's chances of convincing his father to change his mind. Haemon also says "I would not dream of criticizing yours or saying you were wrong, even if I could" (221) to show that he has come to talk peacefully and not just to insult and rise against his father. The use of pathos in both quotes help show Haemon's respect and honor for his father so that King Creon does not get the wrong impression of Haemon. This helps Haemon further the conversation so that he can show logos behind his perspective on Antigone's execution to help convince Creon.
    Haemon uses logic to explain to Creon the reasons why Antigone should not be executed and also why he disagrees with his father. In a sense, Haemon tells Creon that the people are against him on the matter of Antigone's execution. More specifically, Haemon points out "The kind of man who always thinks that he is right, that his opinions, his pronouncements, are the final word, is usually exposed as hollow as they come" (222). Later, Haemon says the same thing, just bluntly-- "The whole of Thebes says 'no'"(223). Both of these quotes are made for the same purpose: to convince King Creon that he is wrong and that he is alone in the matter. Through this, Haemon speaks not just for himself but also for the people of Thebes. When Creon finally blows up at his son, Haemon uses logos one more time-- "A one man state is no state at all... The state that you should rule would be a desert"(224).
    Through both the use of pathos and logos, Haemon argues with his father as best as he can to save Antigone from her execution. Even though Creon does not change his mind, Haemon still built a persuasive argument that is worthy of representing all of Thebes.

    P.P.S. You will see me on this forum more as I continue to work for improvement

  2. Newbie
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jan 2015
    • Posts: 3
    #2

    Re: How Can I Possibly Improve My Writing?

    bump

  3. Newbie
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jan 2015
    • Posts: 3
    #3

    Re: How Can I Possibly Improve My Writing?

    Quote Originally Posted by Azanama View Post
    bump
    more bump

Similar Threads

  1. [Grammar] How can i improve the writing?
    By Polyester in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 22-Jul-2014, 07:00
  2. [Essay] Please help me in my writing. I am a new member. I am trying to improve my writing.
    By JohnAdam1234 in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 13-Jun-2014, 22:52
  3. Replies: 0
    Last Post: 13-Jun-2014, 19:31
  4. [Essay] The best way to improve my writing?
    By saloom2 in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 17-Mar-2013, 16:32
  5. How to improve one's writing?
    By nostalgia89 in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 21-Nov-2006, 05:23

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •