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    #1

    Please make correction my toefl essay

    hi guys
    please help me for correction of my essay
    People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    People attend colleges and universities for a lot of reasons. The reasons can be influenced by culture and level of awareness that might be different in countries and even people. But I believe that three most common reasons are to prepare for a career, to have new experience and to get social grandeur.

    Career preparation is more important especially for young people. Skill of student can be increased and they are prepared to getting occupation and entry to industries, trades and etc. by passing of units, workshops and labs in universities or colleges. They should use of facilities of these places for boosting of information and experience in their interested fields. In addition, team works in university can grow spirit of contribution in students that is very momentous in nowadays jobs. Obviously, in industrial countries, people go to university for production of knowledge and wealth that due to effective programs of their governments. On the other hands, in developing countries, the relation between production of knowledge and wealth is not as well as industrial countries.

    Next outstanding reason is related to social relation in campus, dormitory and etc. For many students, universities and colleges are the first place where they have been away from home by themselves. So, it is a gold opportunity to getting new experience, knowing themselves and other student who are different from them, how they spend their money and how they help each other when they are in a dilemma. In fact, all of these help them to grow and learn proper public relation. For instance, I had depended on my parents extremely before I went to university. But, gradually, I learn to live independently. In other word, I was prepared by this situation for future when my parents are not with me.

    As the last reason, social grandeur is one of motivations that people may attend to universities. Of course, maybe it is right just for my country. In my country, some people go to university just for getting degree and wisdom is not purpose for them. In fact, there is rivalry between families and friends even for university degrees. As an example, they think high university degree increases their chance for a good marriage. It is unbelievable at first view, but it is sometimes true, because in my country, university degree is symbol of wisdom, reason and realization. So, a person who has university degree is a proper case for marriage.

    In conclusion, I would recommend to people go to universities for making their future by learning and progress in their knowledge, abilities and skills.
    Last edited by forough; 17-Jan-2015 at 17:01.

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Please make correction my toefl essay

    When do you have to turn that in for grading?

  3. Newbie
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    #3

    Re: Please make correction my toefl essay

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    When do you have to turn that in for grading?
    Excuse me, I don't understand the statement which you said.

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    #4

    Re: Please make correction my toefl essay

    Is that an assignment to be submitted to your teacher to be marked?

  4. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Please make correction my toefl essay

    In any case, I can say a few things.

    1. Please don't make any changes to post #1. Instead, after receiving suggestions and making revisions post the revised essay on this thread.
    2. Space between paragraphs.
    3. Don't bother with In conclusion. After all, people can tell when they are getting to the end just by looking.


  5. Newbie
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    #6

    Re: Please make correction my toefl essay

    Quote Originally Posted by tedmc View Post
    Is that an assignment to be submitted to your teacher to be marked?
    no, that isn't
    I am going to ready for toefl exam. I don't have any teacher. I am learning English in self-study. so, I don't have anyone to help me for correction of my essays. please help me
    very thanks

  6. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Please make correction my toefl essay

    Quote Originally Posted by forough View Post
    Please help me correct my essay.
    People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    People attend colleges and universities for a lot of reasons. The reasons can be influenced by culture and level of awareness that might be different in countries and even people. But I believe that three most common reasons are to prepare for a career, to have new experiences and to acquire a more prestigious position in society.

    Career preparation is more important especially for young people. They will learn new skills, and they will get a start to their career.
    I think you just might be biting off more than you can chew.
    Last edited by Tarheel; 20-Jan-2015 at 19:29. Reason: spelling

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    #8

    Re: Please make correction my toefl essay

    'Social grandeur' is not appropriate. I suggest 'the achievement of social status', which is relevant not so much in developed countries but in the developing countries. Those who have gone through higher education are more likely to achieve a higher social status than those who have not.

    In conclusion, I would recommend to people go to universiities for making their future by learning and progress in their knowledge, abilities and skills.


    I would strongly recommend people to go for higher education to acquire knowledge and skills and for personal development, to give them a head start in their career and prepare them for a brighter future.

    not a teacher
    Last edited by tedmc; 18-Jan-2015 at 05:13.

  7. Newbie
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    #9

    Re: Please make correction my toefl essay

    thank you so much "Tarheel and Tedmc"
    I try to think more.
    what is the meaning of "head start"?
    Is there still any grammatically mistake?

  8. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #10

    Re: Please make correction my toefl essay

    Quote Originally Posted by forough View Post
    What is the meaning of "head start"?
    Are there still any grammatical mistakes?

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