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    #1

    including many women and children

    More than 50,000 people, including many women and children, died on the trail. A lot of people died from illness like cholera, because the drinking water wasn’t clean.

    Can I change ‘including many women and children’ into a relative clause like this — ‘who included many women and children’?

    (The ‘Thank’ button on my computer doesn’t work, so I give my gratitude to everyone who pays attention to my post in advance.)

  1. Barb_D's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: including many women and children

    No.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

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    #3

    Re: including many women and children

    Would you please tell me the reason?
    Thanks.

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    #4

    Re: including many women and children

    Quote Originally Posted by diamondcutter View Post

    I give my gratitude to everyone who pays attention to my post in advance.

    ***** NOT A TEACHER *****


    Hello, Diamondcutter:


    First, may I congratulate you on your good manners. Gratitude is one of the most important human qualities.

    Second, I am definitely not disagreeing with the moderator's answer. I, too, am waiting for the reason so that I can write it down in my notebook.

    Third, while we are waiting, I found some quotations that may interest you. I found them in the "books" section of the search engine Google. Thousands of books have been digitalized for us to read.

    1. "By middday, over fifty people, who included all of Chun Tian's men and servants ..., had assembled in the courtyard." -- Mountain Dragon (2010) by Bradley Clemmons.

    2. "We ... met various interesting people, who included the renowned psychiatrist RD Laing and best-selling author Lyall Watson." -- Mr Nice and Mrs Marks (2010) by Judy Marks.

    3. "His funeral was attended by more than 700 people, who included not only his many business associates but also two of his three ex-wives." -- Good Guys and Bad Guys (2008) by Joe Nocera.
    Last edited by TheParser; 19-Jan-2015 at 15:54. Reason: punctuation

  2. Matthew Wai's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: including many women and children

    Quote Originally Posted by diamondcutter View Post
    a relative clause
    I would write 'More than 50,000 people, of whom many were women and children, died on the trail.'

    Not a teacher.

  3. MikeNewYork's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: including many women and children

    Matthew, I think that would be more natural as "many of whom were women and children".

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