I think I can share with her our experiences in traveling.

[diamondcutter]

Dear Peter,

I’m writing to ask whether you are able to do me a favor.

I want to have a pen friend, hopefully a girl in her early twenties, and with interests similar to mine. In my mind, she is someone who is interested in traveling, swimming, and playing table tennis. Besides, it would be better for her to have a pet dog as I have kept one at home for some time. With such a pen friend, I think I can share with her our experiences in traveling, taking care of pets, or whatever we have in common. And I believe I will improve my English by doing so and learn more about her country.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Best regards,

Li Hua
(China National Matriculation English Test 2007, sample answer to the composition)

I think ‘our experiences’ should be changed into ‘my experience’. Am I right?

(The ‘Thank’ button on my computer doesn’t work, so I give my gratitude to everyone who pays attention to my post in advance.)

 

[emsr2d2]

There are quite a lot of things in that post which need correcting. I don't have time right now but I'll do it later if someone else doesn't do it first.

 

[emsr2d2]

Dear Peter,

I’m writing to ask whether you are able to do me a favor.

I want to have a pen friend, [STRIKE]hopefully[/STRIKE] prefereably a girl in her early twenties, and with interests similar to mine. In my mind, she is someone who is interested in traveling, swimming, and playing table tennis. [STRIKE]Besides[/STRIKE] Also, it would be [STRIKE]better[/STRIKE] good/great for her to have a pet dog as I have kept one at home for some time. [STRIKE]With such a pen friend, I think I can share with her[/STRIKE] We could share our experiences in traveling, taking care of pets, or whatever we have in common. [STRIKE]And[/STRIKE] By being pen friends with such a girl, I believe I will improve my English [STRIKE]by doing so[/STRIKE] and learn more about her country.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Best regards,

Li Hua
(China National Matriculation English Test 2007, sample answer to the composition)

I think ‘our experiences’ should be changed into ‘my experience’. Am I right?

(The ‘Thank’ button on my computer doesn’t work, so I give my gratitude to everyone who pays attention to my post in advance.)

Note my various corrections. I can make an argument for both "our experiences" and "my experience". If you're referring to both of you talking about your experiences, you would use "our experiences". If you're only referring to telling her about your travels etc, you would use "my experience" or "my experiences".

We will be able to share our experiences [with each other].
I will be able to share my experiences [with her].

 

[diamondcutter]

Hi, emsr2d2,
As I have said before, the ‘Thank’ button on my computer doesn’t work. I have to make this ‘thank-you’ post here to give my heartiest gratitude to you. Your correcting is so thoughtful and careful, which helps me so much. You are a great teacher. Thank you again.

 

[Tdol]

DC, what are you using the forum on? The Thank button works fine for me.

 

[diamondcutter]

Do you mean the web browser? It’ 360 Web Browser probably based on the Windows Internet Explorer, I’m not sure.

The ‘Thank’ button was OK in the past on my computer. It began to be useless a few weeks ago. I don’t know why. I wonder if there’s somebody else who has the same problem.

 

[diamondcutter]

BesidesAlso, it would be bettergood/great for her to have a pet dog as I have kept one at home for some time.
Hi, emsr2d2,
I'd like to know the reason why 'besides' and 'better' can't be used in the sentence above.
Thanks.