Hachiman
New member
- Joined
- Jan 14, 2015
- Member Type
- Student or Learner
- Native Language
- Brazilian Portuguese
- Home Country
- Brazil
- Current Location
- Brazil
Hey! This is my first time here and the reason why I have chosen this topic is that I am improving my english (not a native speaker) skills by writting a fiction book!
Could you guys point out if I make any grammar mistakes on this amateur fiction book?
I am new to reading fantasy and fiction books. I am writing one which is called Fable & Coins which is about a merchant called Yohan who is heading through a city called Yarren, where a rite has been set up on it for the past 2 days. While passing through the city, he sold some of his wares to a local merchant that trades lumiar coins for some stacks of wheat that Yohan had on his wagon.
Once the transaction was over, Yohan took a quick rest under a tree on the edge of the city. When Yohan, was taking a swift rest under a tree at the edge of Yarren City, he heard something stirring in the back of his wagon. Yohan was laid down, stretched over on the front seat of the cracking wagon, his head resting on a stuffed feather pillow he bought from the last city he passed 5 days ago, when the sound startled him.
At first instant he couldn't mull exactly about which sort of noise he heard, but he could swear that it wasn't made by the wind. Yohan uttered a weary, shallow sigh, as he got up to peek at the back of his wagon, covered by a dark brown cotton blanket. Then, when he reached up with the tip of the cotton with his right hand, he tightens his grip and pushed it off to find out that he might had fall asleep when he was resting on the front seat, otherwise he got insane to trust on what his eyes caught up at the sight.
The sun was setting in the west at that moment, the flickering shade was steadily crawling up, pushing the wagon into a pitchy veil, but it was lit enough to twig out that whatever was among with his wares wasn't a human.
His eyes caught sight of a white tip, blending into a long furred tail attached to the back waist of a girl, her skin was pale, with a long brown hair, and as he followed up with his eyes to her nape, Yohan found himself out of breath when he saw two wolf like ears on the top of the girl's head.
The mysterious girl was laid down on her side, facing the wooden left side of the wagon, apparently sleeping, when suddenly the girl started to twitch her left ear.
Could you guys point out if I make any grammar mistakes on this amateur fiction book?
I am new to reading fantasy and fiction books. I am writing one which is called Fable & Coins which is about a merchant called Yohan who is heading through a city called Yarren, where a rite has been set up on it for the past 2 days. While passing through the city, he sold some of his wares to a local merchant that trades lumiar coins for some stacks of wheat that Yohan had on his wagon.
Once the transaction was over, Yohan took a quick rest under a tree on the edge of the city. When Yohan, was taking a swift rest under a tree at the edge of Yarren City, he heard something stirring in the back of his wagon. Yohan was laid down, stretched over on the front seat of the cracking wagon, his head resting on a stuffed feather pillow he bought from the last city he passed 5 days ago, when the sound startled him.
At first instant he couldn't mull exactly about which sort of noise he heard, but he could swear that it wasn't made by the wind. Yohan uttered a weary, shallow sigh, as he got up to peek at the back of his wagon, covered by a dark brown cotton blanket. Then, when he reached up with the tip of the cotton with his right hand, he tightens his grip and pushed it off to find out that he might had fall asleep when he was resting on the front seat, otherwise he got insane to trust on what his eyes caught up at the sight.
The sun was setting in the west at that moment, the flickering shade was steadily crawling up, pushing the wagon into a pitchy veil, but it was lit enough to twig out that whatever was among with his wares wasn't a human.
His eyes caught sight of a white tip, blending into a long furred tail attached to the back waist of a girl, her skin was pale, with a long brown hair, and as he followed up with his eyes to her nape, Yohan found himself out of breath when he saw two wolf like ears on the top of the girl's head.
The mysterious girl was laid down on her side, facing the wooden left side of the wagon, apparently sleeping, when suddenly the girl started to twitch her left ear.
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