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    #1

    Good evening! Can somebody review my motivation letter and specify some mistakes?

    Letter of motivation

    From the beginning of my conscious life, I have been highly fascinated by the beauty of technique - automobiles, aircrafts, weapons, and so on. My initial funny experience was with meccano. When I was 7-years old, I constructed for the first time car and little swings from little metallic details, but finally that hobby actually led me to passion for machinery and mechanisms. But I also try to discover something new through painting and drawing, especially in war historical themes. I discovered important fact – engineering is like a painting, during this process, you feel yourself almost free into assigned limits. Honestly, it is very creative profession, which involves all of your talents and fantasy.

    After my successful graduation of lower secondary school in XXX, I enrolled to the XXX. During 4 years of tuition there, I considerably enlarged my notions about industry and mechanical engineering. Most interesting moment was my internship at Moscow gas-turbine engineering research and production center «XXX» as a metalworker. There I realized that only by means of practical experience I can acquire important and special knowledge, which I would never get through a theory.

    Very curious point was my 10-months part-time job as a cashier in the German hypermarket XXX near XXX at the time of my last year of education in the college. It was a kind of occupation where I was very pleased by German work organization – concentrated labor at the well-devised working place, big lunch break, care for employees. In those times I revealed my interest to Germany, and became to read different information about this country: traditions, culture, food – all things captivated me. But I also learned that my mother had worked in German cultural center, when we were living in XXX – little city in the XXX in Russia. Due to these facts, I decided to get closer acquainted with Germany by traveling and study there.

    In the XXX my punctuality and persistence helped me adapt to new conditions and rules. Since first year of study in university during any technical and even non-technical classes I always asked lecturers for additional clarifications. Every new discipline just fortified my aspiration to a scientific knowledge. As a result, in the second semester I was offered to work in the department’s mechanical laboratory as laboratory assistant. It was a great honor for me and despite the fact that I was inexperienced for such job, my college education allowed me to be well adapted in the first few months of working there. During last 3 years of my working there I have obtained a splendid professional expertise, which significantly expanded my perception about engineering. Also, the crucial point was acquirement of precious experience in communication with faculty members. Although my department’s educational program consists in deep specialization in mechanical treatment and material science, I was highly fascinated by other complicated courses such as «Thermodynamics» or «Aero-, Hydro- and Gas Dynamics», performing different enthralling tasks and course papers with a great pleasure. Recently, I have completed my first half of graduation qualification project of bachelor. It concluded in projecting of a part in technological process of manufacturing detail for gas-turbine engine which calls as «XXX». Due to my striving for a qualitative execution, I was highly evaluated by my scientific supervisor. Now I consider myself lucky because of getting so much proficiency from scientific school of my department. And I am persuaded that I can definitely apply all these skills in my further education and work.

    However, I am interested not only by study and painting. I have a great willing for traveling and communication with foreigners. And since 2013 year I have twice participated in «Internationale Jugendgemeinschaftsdienste» (IJGD) volunteer projects in Germany. My first project «XXX» was in august 2013 in the XXX. During 3 weeks I and other 16 people all over the world along with many locals worked there. The main idea was using of old bikes to create art and leisure constructions. Momentous thing for me was that I got interesting and suitable professional practice in metalworking, welding, design, painting. It was my first trip in Germany, and in fact, I felt unexplainable feeling of moral convenience there. My second project «XXX» was in 2014 at suburbs of XXX, consisted in taking care about local ecology, we preserved moors by removing of invasive species, mostly pine, preventing over 200 insect species from risk of extinction. Now I personally think that these two volunteer camps have seriously helped me to understand features of life in Germany.

    Aside from volunteer projects, I also have taken part in sport events. For instance, I was a member of college’s volleyball team, contributing in a few winnings in championships between educational institutions.

    I wish to apply for XXX because of the next reasons. Firstly, I have a great willing to gain a better practical base in my education. After my searches of Master’s Degree programs in Russia, Germany and other countries, I recognized that only XXX could provide most suitable and modern equipment for study. Secondly, I wish to learn German language perfectly. Actually, I understood that German is very widely used in the world and excellent knowledge of this language would seriously reinforce my social status. Third, I want slightly change my specialization and try myself in the field of automotive production. I think that nowadays automobile industry is more prospective in the world’s market, rather than aircraft engine industry. In future, humanity will need more in convenient and environmentally friendly ground vehicle, than in war aviation. Moreover, auto industry can provide better chances for a job finding. Even though I have not enough internship in this area, I hope to compensate it via attending of a special vehicle workshop module, offered by XXX. Also, I have desire to contribute in university’s life and history, participating in volunteer programs, cultural events. Lastly, I dream to participate in development of German XXX, providing smartest of the solutions to the crucial issues. From my early childhood, I have often watched videos about auto manufacturing in such factories as BMW, Mercedes-Benz, Volkswagen and was incredibly attracted by aesthetics and neatness of workshops, robotechnics, machines there. In my viewpoint, Germany has a leadership in this technical field and I hope that I will obtain a unique chance to help for a further industrial advancement of this country.

    XXX

  1. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Good evening! Can somebody review my motivation letter and specify some mistakes?

    You took the trouble to make paragraph breaks. Excellent!

    Quote Originally Posted by Student 123 View Post
    Letter of motivation

    From the beginning of my conscious life, I have been highly fascinated by the beauty of technology - automobiles, aircraft, weapons, and so on. My initial funny experience was with Meccano. When I was 7-years old, I constructed for the first time a car and little swings from little metallic parts, and eventually that hobby actually led me to develop a passion for machinery and mechanisms. But I also try to discover something new through painting and drawing, especially in war historical themes. I discovered an important fact – engineering is like a painting, during this process, you feel free within into assigned limits. Honestly, it is very creative profession, which involves all of your talents and encourages you to think creatively.

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Good evening! Can somebody review my motivation letter and specify some mistakes?

    Quote Originally Posted by Student 123 View Post

    After my successful graduation from secondary school in XXX, I enrolled in XXX. During four years of attending that school, I considerably enlarged my notions about industry and mechanical engineering. My most interesting experience was my internship at Moscow gas-turbine engineering research and production center «XXX» as a metalworker. There I realized that only by means of practical experience can I acquire important and special knowledge, which I would never by studying theory.
    Moscow Gas-turbine Engineering Research and Production Center is a proper noun.


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    #4

    Re: Good evening! Can somebody review my motivation letter and specify some mistakes?

    Thank you so much! Quite nice corrections :)

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Good evening! Can somebody review my motivation letter and specify some mistakes?

    Quote Originally Posted by Student 123 View Post

    A very curious point was my 10-months part-time job as a cashier in the German supermarket XXX near XXX at the time of my last year of education in the college. It was a kind of occupation where I was very pleased by German work organization – concentrated labor at the well-devised working place, big lunch break, care for employees. In those times I revealed my interest to Germany, and started reading different information about this country: traditions, culture, food – all things captivated me. But I also learned that my mother had worked in a German cultural center, when we were living in XXX – little city in the XXX in Russia. Due to these facts, I decided to get closer acquainted with Germany by traveling and studying there.


    Note that there is no English word hypermarket.
    Last edited by Tarheel; 04-Feb-2015 at 23:12. Reason: Make change (first sentence)/Add something

  4. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Good evening! Can somebody review my motivation letter and specify some mistakes?

    Quote Originally Posted by Student 123 View Post
    In the XXX my punctuality and persistence helped me adapt to new conditions and rules. Since the first year of study in university during any technical and even non-technical classes I always asked the lecturers for additional clarifications. Every new discipline just fortified my aspiration for more scientific knowledge. As a result, in the second semester I was offered a job in the department’s mechanical laboratory as laboratory assistant. It was a great honor for me, and despite the fact that I was inexperienced for such job, my college education allowed me to be well adapted in the first few months of working there. During the last three years of my working there I have obtained a splendid professional expertise, which significantly expanded my perception about engineering. Also, the crucial point was acquirement of precious experience in communication with faculty members. Although my department’s educational program consists in deep specialization in mechanical treatment and material science, I was highly fascinated by other complicated courses such as «Thermodynamics» or «Aero-, Hydro- and Gas Dynamics», performing different enthralling tasks and course papers with a great pleasure. Recently, I have completed my first half of graduation qualification project of bachelor. It concluded in projecting of a part in technological process of manufacturing detail for gas-turbine engine which calls as «XXX». Due to my striving for a qualitative execution, I was highly evaluated by my scientific supervisor. Now I consider myself lucky because of getting so much proficiency from scientific school of my department. And I am persuaded that I can definitely apply all these skills in my further education and work.
    If I don't comment about something it means either that I think no change is necessary or that I missed something.

  5. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Good evening! Can somebody review my motivation letter and specify some mistakes?

    Quote Originally Posted by Student 123 View Post
    However, I not only interested in studying and painting. I have a great interest in traveling and communication with foreigners. And since 2013 year I have twice participated in «Internationale Jugendgemeinschaftsdienste» (IJGD) volunteer projects in Germany. My first project «XXX» was in August 2013 in the XXX. For three weeks I and other 16 other people all over the world along with many locals worked there. The main idea was to use old bikes to create art and leisure constructions. An interesting thing for me was that I got interesting and suitable professional practice in metalworking, welding, design, and painting. It was my first trip to Germany, and in fact, I felt an unexplainable feeling of moral convenience there. My second project «XXX» was in 2014 in the suburbs of XXX, consisted in taking care of the local ecology. We preserved moors by removing of invasive species, mostly pine, preventing over 200 insect species from risk of extinction. Now I personally think that these two volunteer camps have seriously helped me to understand features of life in Germany.
    I do not know what you mean by moral convenience.

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