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    #1

    TOEFL essay/ please can you grade and check my essay?

    Hey everyone,

    I'm preparing for my toefl exam and I want someone to give me a feedback on my writing also to score me. thanks in advance

    Our past experiences shape the way we look at people and the world around us. What are some of the experiences that have shaped your outlook and the way you live now.


    The things that we experienced in the past can affect the way how we look at people. I have been in USA when I was 20 years old. It was quite an early age to affect my view of life. I spent three months there. It was my first experience as living in abroad without my family. I met so many people from different cultures. I learned a lot about the other cultures. The whole experience shaped my outlook and the way I live now.

    When I started to observe the people and how they behave in USA, I noticed it was a little bit different from my country. I felt there was more respect to each other. I could not believe what I saw in the beginning. Then I thought the act of people was real or not, people should respect each other. Even it is not intimate. In other words, it is necessary to live all together. For example, people who were in the line to take money from ATM were waiting after a huge gap between them and person who had taken money. To me, it is a sign to respect the person who takes money from ATM because they want to give a space to person for doing his or her transaction safely. It is not like in Turkey.

    The other thing was meeting so many people from different countries. It changed my perspective. I saw there are so many different people in different shapes, races, the clothes because there are not so many different cultures in my country. It made me to learn not judge and to be more open-mind. In addition, I started to not care what other people think. I realized people wear how they want, I mean sometimes in a crazy way and they seem like they do not care.

    In conclusion, these three months were a great experience about life. It built my perspective and expanded my view of life. When I look at people and the world around me, I feel wiser in a way. Some experiences can change us and shape our outlook.

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    #2

    Re: TOEFL essay/ please can you grade and check my essay?

    The things that we experienced in the past can affect the way how we look at people. I have been went in to the USA when I was 20 years old. It was quite an early young age to affect my view of life(?). I spent three months there. It was my first experience as in living in abroad without my family. I met so many people from different cultures. I learned a lot about the other cultures. The whole experience shaped my outlook and the way I live now.

    When I started to observe the people and how they behave in the USA, I noticed it was a little bit different from my country. I felt there was people have more respect to for each other. I could not believe what I saw in the beginning. Then I thought wondered whether the actions of the people was were real or not. People should respect each other even though they are not close. Even it is not intimate. In other words, it is necessary to live all together (get along with each other ?). For example, I have seen people who were in the line to take queueing up to withdraw money from the ATM were waiting after a huge gap between them and who had taken money and were standing some distance away from the person using the machine . To me, it was a sign to of respect for the person who takes is withdrawing money from the ATM because they want to give a space to person for doing his or her transaction safely. It is being considerate to give some personal space to the person using the ATM. It is not like that in Turkey.
    The other thing was the experience of meeting so many people from many different countries. It changed my perspective of life. I saw there are have come across so many different types of people in of different shapes, races, the clothes dressed differently,because which was quite a change for me as there are not so many different cultures in my country. It made me to learn not to judge and to be more open-minded. In addition, I started to not care what other people think. I realized people are free to wear how what they want. I mean sometimes even in a crazy way and they seem it seems like like they do not care what others think.

    In conclusion, these my three months in the US were was a great learning experience about life. It built widened my perspective and expanded my view of life. When I look at people and the world around me, I feel wiser in a way. Some Our past experiences can change us and shape our outlook.

    Note: I do not know about the IELTS standards, so I am not in a position to grade your essay. You have some interesting points but the way they are expressed could be improved.

    not a teacher
    Last edited by tedmc; 04-Feb-2015 at 16:56.

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    #3

    Re: TOEFL essay/ please can you grade and check my essay?

    I have been in USA when I was 20 years old. It was quite an early age to affect my view of life.
    I went to the USA when I was 20 years years old, which was quite a young impressionable age.

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    #4

    Re: TOEFL essay/ please can you grade and check my essay?

    Thank you very much tedmc for your time and effort.

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