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    #1

    please help me with this letter.

    Seniors I need your immediate help. I have to send this letter tomorrow, and I would like someone to check it and mention me my mistakes.

    Dear Sir/Madam
    My professional goal is to take a research oriented career as a teaching faculty member. Keeping that in mind, my immediate objective is to work toward a master degree in the field of my interest. I am writing you to show my motivation to apply for Master’s Degree in Materials Science and Engineering Program, scheduled to be offered in fall 2015.
    My name is MehranUllah. I have completed my Bachelor’s in Textile engineering from National Textile University, Faisalabad, Pakistan in 2013. My specialization is in Fabric manufacturing. During the summer break of 2012, I interned at Bismillah Textiles Ltd, Faisalabad, and worked on weaving Preparatory process. After graduation, I worked at Nishat Chunian Pvt Ltd (One of the largest Textile Mills of Pakistan) for a period of 6 months as assistant weaving manager. My job responsibilities consist of managing each and every thing related to manufacturing, including managing man Power, streamlining different process, ensuring sufficient and timely supply of the raw material, supervision of production and maintenance teams. I have good academics at every step in my education. I stood first among the class in Intermediate, and secured third position in Bachelor’s degree from the Textile University.
    Upon investigating the program details, King Abdullah University of Science and Technology is offering, I was happy to see the courses I am interested in, and I want to avail this opportunity to study in the field of materials science especially Composite Materials, Nanomaterials and Polymeric materials. I am interested in a world class program like this, because it would not only allow me to expand my knowledge but also will help me to take a research oriented career in this specific field, which eventually will help me to serve my country after my degree completion.
    My interest in composite materials arose during my graduate degree. In my third semester I studied the course “Textile Raw Material”, the first course that was related to physical properties of textile materials. In the subsequent semester I further studied different materials. In 6th semester I studied “Non-woven and Technical Textiles” here I got a brief intro about composite materials and their properties. My interest in composite materials compel me to study it further and I decide to use Textile composite in my final year project. We did research on “Production of cost effective awning fabric for window blinds”. It was a group thesis and I was the group leader. It was my first research initiative and enriched my knowledge on research methodologies, and significantly improves my abilities to conduct research activities and write research papers. During our research we work on composite materials, we tried to weave a fabric composed of two different fibers, than we melt one of the fiber to convert it into matrix and provide the required strength and stiffness. Beside Composite materials my interest in your program is increased by the course “Solar Cell Material and devices”. Currently my country is suffering from severe energy crises, we are facing more than 12 hours load shedding during 24 hours. Solar energy can be the source to provide us the cheap, Green and instant energy. I do not have any previous education in this field but I am sure that I have the required abilities and motivation to work in this field and serve my country by researching in the field.
    I would like to end by saying that I am fully aware that a career in research and academics requires a higher level of intelligence, devotion and a huge sacrifice but I am sure that I have the required motivation and other abilities. I am confident that my solid foundations in engineering academics had provided me with the required skills, knowledge and contacts to pursue a master degree in a globally recognized institution like King Abdullah University of Science and Technology.

  1. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: please help me with this letter.

    You don't take a career. You have a career. Also, you work toward a master's degree at a college or university. Also, you are applying for entrance into the master's degree program.

    Please make paragraph breaks. (Please make no changes to the original.)


  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: please help me with this letter.

    Why did you address your post to "Seniors"?
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: please help me with this letter.

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    Why did you address your post to "Seniors"?
    He/she particularly wants to get help from one of us old people?

  4. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: please help me with this letter.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mehrandirvi View Post
    Seniors I need your immediate help. I have to send this letter tomorrow, and I would like someone to check it and mention me my mistakes.
    One thing I need to say is that we don't mention mistakes. We correct mistakes.



    Quote Originally Posted by Mehrandirvi View Post
    Dear Sir/Madam
    My professional goal is to have a research-oriented career as a teaching faculty member. Keeping that in mind, my immediate objective is to work toward a master degree in my field of interest. I am writing you to show my motivation to apply for Master’s Degree in the Materials Science and Engineering Program, scheduled to be offered in fall 2015.
    I am pretty sure that they call it a master's degree program, but you can look that up if you're not sure I'm right. (It's referred to both as master degree and master's degree.)


    Quote Originally Posted by Mehrandirvi View Post
    My name is MehranUllah. I have completed my Bachelor’s in Textile engineering from National Textile University, Faisalabad, Pakistan in 2013. My specialization is in fabric manufacturing. During the summer break of 2012, I interned at Bismillah Textiles Ltd, Faisalabad, and I worked on weaving preparatory process. After graduation, I worked at Nishat Chunian Pvt Ltd (One of the largest Textile Mills of Pakistan) for a period of 6 months as assistant weaving manager. My job responsibilities consisted of managing each and every thing related to manufacturing, including managing manpower, streamlining different processes, ensuring sufficient and timely supply of raw materials, and supervision of production and maintenance teams. I have good academics at every step in my education. I stood first among the class in Intermediate, and secured third position in Bachelor’s degree from the Textile University.

    Upon investigating the program details, King Abdullah University of Science and Technology is offering, I was happy to see they have the courses I am interested in, and I want to take this opportunity to study in the field of materials science especially composite materials, nanomaterials and polymeric materials. I am interested in a world class program like this, because it would not only allow me to expand my knowledge but also will help me to take a research oriented career in this specific field, which eventually will help me to serve my country after my degree completion.
    My interest in composite materials arose during my graduate degree. In my third semester I studied the course “Textile Raw Material”, the first course that was related to physical properties of textile materials. In the subsequent semester I further studied different materials. In 6th semester I studied “Non-woven and Technical Textiles” here I got a brief intro about composite materials and their properties. My interest in composite materials compels me to study it further and I decided to use Textile composite in my final year project. We did research on “Production of cost effective awning fabric for window blinds”. It was a group thesis, and I was the group leader. It was my first research initiative and enriched my knowledge on research methodologies, and significantly improved my abilities to conduct research activities and write research papers. During our research we work on composite materials, we tried to weave a fabric composed of two different fibers, then we melted one of the fibers to convert it into a matrix and provide the required strength and stiffness. Beside composite materials, my interest in your program is increased by the course “Solar Cell Material and Devices”. Currently my country is suffering from severe energy crises. We are facing more than 12 hours load shedding during 24 hours. Solar energy can be the source to provide us with cheap, green and instant energy. I do not have any previous education in this field, but I am sure that I have the required abilities and motivation to work in this field and serve my country by researching in the field.

    I would like to end by saying that I am fully aware that a career in research and academics requires a higher level of intelligence, devotion and a huge sacrifice, but I am sure that I have the required motivation and other abilities. I am confident that my solid foundations in engineering academics had provided me with the required skills, knowledge and contacts to pursue a master degree in a globally recognized institution like King Abdullah University of Science and Technology.
    It is now more nearly perfect.

    • Member Info
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    #6

    Re: please help me with this letter.

    Thanks alot for helping.

    • Member Info
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      • Malaysia
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    #7

    Re: please help me with this letter.

    Tarheel

    Could you please leave the original words e.g. word words, so that it is easier to follow your editing.
    Otherwise one needs to scroll back and forth to compare the revised text with the original text. Thanks.

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