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  1. B45
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    #1

    Can you write: Ohhh, but it felt so good, thus I asked her to turn it up a notch. B

    Can you write:

    Ohhh, but it felt so good, thus I asked her to turn it up a notch. But when I saw her reach for BDSM toys, I jumped out the fuxking window.

    VS

    Can you write:

    Ohhh, and it felt so good, thus I asked her to turn it up a notch. But when I saw her reach for BDSM toys, I jumped out the fuxking window.

    Is this okay?
    Last edited by B45; 15-Feb-2015 at 05:27.

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    #2

    Re: Can you write: Ohhh, but it felt so good, thus I asked her to turn it up a notch

    What is the source of this quotation?

  2. B45
    Guest
    #3

    Re: Can you write: Ohhh, but it felt so good, thus I asked her to turn it up a notch

    No source. Self made.

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    #4

    Re: Can you write: Ohhh, but it felt so good, thus I asked her to turn it up a notch

    I don't think we're in the business of editing your attempts at pornography.

  3. Barb_D's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Can you write: Ohhh, but it felt so good, thus I asked her to turn it up a notch

    Sigh. The effects of that wretchedly written 50 Shades.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

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