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  1. B45
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    #1

    Can you write: Yeah, but it felt so good, thus I asked her to turn it up a notch. Bu

    Talking about getting a massage.

    Can you write:

    Yeah, but it felt so good, thus I asked her to turn it up a notch. But when I saw her reach for a cheap dirty towel, I jumped out the window.

    VS

    Yeah, and it felt so good, thus I asked her to turn it up a notch. But when I saw her reach for cheap dirty towel, I jumped out the window.

    Please check my punctuation and grammar.

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    #2

    Re: Can you write: Yeah, but it felt so good, thus I asked her to turn it up a notch

    I'm not sure why you want to start with 'Yeah'.

    Whether you use 'and' or 'but' depends on what went before.

    I'd change 'thus' to 'so'.

    I'd change the full stop after 'notch' to a comma.

    You can't omit 'a' before 'cheap.

  2. B45
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    #3

    Re: Can you write: Yeah, but it felt so good, thus I asked her to turn it up a notch

    Oh, but it felt so good, so I asked her to turn it up a notch, but when I saw her reach for cheap dirty towel, I jumped out the window.

    Are you sure I should omit the a before cheap?

  3. bhaisahab's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Can you write: Yeah, but it felt so good, thus I asked her to turn it up a notch

    Quote Originally Posted by Batman45 View Post
    Are you sure I should omit the abefore cheap?
    Rover said the opposite of that.
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 15-Feb-2015 at 16:57.

  4. B45
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    #5

    Re: Can you write: Yeah, but it felt so good, thus I asked her to turn it up a notch

    What about now:

    Oh, but it felt so good, so I asked her to turn it up a notch, but when I saw her reach for a cheap dirty towel, I jumped out the window.

  5. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Can you write: Yeah, but it felt so good, thus I asked her to turn it up a notch

    You can use "but" or "and", although I would dispense with them both and omit "so".

    Oh, it felt so good [that] I asked her to turn it up ...
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  6. Jill Dorchester's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Can you write: Yeah, but it felt so good, thus I asked her to turn it up a notch

    It depends upon the context. That is, the context of the entire dialogue. Is the speaker replying to something someone said to him about a massage? For example, if the prior sentence was something like:
    "Miss Jasmine? She works at the Shore Leave 15 Minute Massage Parlor? I had her once - she was kind of rough when she rubbed my back. She actually hurt me. Was she like that with you?"

    Then "Yeah, but it felt so good..." would make sense if the speaker was surprised that he enjoyed the rough treatment.
    "Yeah, and it felt so good..." would be appropriate if the speaker had an established preference for pain and was relishing the memory.

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