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      • Native Language:
      • Spanish
      • Home Country:
      • Venezuela
      • Current Location:
      • Venezuela

    • Join Date: Feb 2015
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    Hello! I am new. Help with TOEFL please!

    Hello everyone. My name is Carlos, but everyone calls me Adam. I am an English student from Venezuela! and soon I will be taking the TOEFL test so that I can apply for a college in U.S.A. Anyhow is kinda hard for me to write properly and I will be very thankful If you guys could help me in this.

    This is the first essay I have made about a TOEFL topic!

    Kind rewards!

    Some people say that computers have made life easier and more convenient. Other people say that computers have made life more complex and stressful. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    Todayís society is globalized. Itís difficult for me to think about a place where technology hasnít made an impact. One should always take into account what the perks of being part of a global movement are. Therefore, based on personal knowledge and experiences my statement about computers is often positive.
    At this point, in where technology has taken over many structures of our daily basics, it is hard to separate humanity for computers. For example, in the educational fields computers have had, for me, the deepest influence. That is because of the easy and fast way computers have to manage information. Also, the facility of get an entire audience around a fictional world in which limits are fewer than in the real world. Anyhow, education hasnít been the only society branch influenced by computers. Medical fields have been heavily modified because of technology as well. Computers have made possible to explore in a deeper and more exhausting way human body. Furthermore, goals that were impossible to achieve in the past decades have been conquered.
    This doesnít necessary mean that computers have only received positive feedbacks. As things get easily done less effort is indeed put into it. Therefore, computers are aimed to replace humanís work. It may sound fictional, but for people who are not use to be in touch with this sort of technology, computers can represent danger and also stress. This comes linked with the lack of communication that computers have developed in people. It is easier to communicate with someone from far away but, this could be also a replacement for traditional human talk, face to face. Consequently computers donít always make life more convenient.
    Needless to say that everything is bad if it is done in excess. Computers can either be a useful tool or a dangerous weapon. It is important to balance and teach the pros and cons in computerís usage. This, of course will depend in how one was raised. Since I have always been around technology and I know how to deal with it, moreover it has made my life simpler. Therefore, I am fond of computers. They can be your best friend with a correct usage.

  1. teechar's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
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      • Iraq
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    Re: Hello! I am new. Help with TOEFL please!

    I would suggest:
    1 - Use clearly defined paragraphs.
    2 - Start with "computers"; "technology" is too general.
    3 - Write a more clear and direct statement of purpose.
    4 - Be objective rather than writing a personal account.

    Try again please

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