[Grammar] flock of sheep

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Ajay 123

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Please check the sentences below for any grammatical error.

One day Akbar and Birbal visited to a goat farm. There were a flock of sheep. A shepherd had been providing leaves to the goats. Akbar asks Birbal after seeing that "If we give twice of feeds to the goats than usual,the weight of the goats also will doubled",Am I right? "We cant say like that,There will be no much differences on the weights even if we provide howsoever feeds" Birbal replied.
 
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Tarheel

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One day Akbar and Birbal visited [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] a goat farm. There were a flock of sheep.

Say: "There was a flock of sheep." (The word "flock" is construed as singular.) But don't. Why mention the flock of sheep when it turns out that the sheep have nothing to do with the story? (In any case, it would be better to say something like: "We saw a flock of sheep there.")



A shepherd had been providing leaves to the goats. Akbar asks Birbal after seeing that "If we give twice of feeds to the goats than usual,the weight of the goats also will doubled",Am I right? "We cant say like that,There will be no much differences on the weights even if we provide howsoever feeds" Birbal replied.

Try:

They saw a goatherd feeding leaves to the goats.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goatherd
Goat Herder

Try:


After observing the goatherd, Akbar says to Birbal: "If we feed the goats twice as much as usual the weight of the goats should double. Am I right?" Birbal replied: "No, it doesn't work that way. The goats will not gain weight faster because we feed them more."​
 

MikeNewYork

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Well, like other species, goats will gain weight faster if they are fed more.
 

emsr2d2

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When are you going to submit this piece of writing to your English teacher, Ajay 123?
 

Tarheel

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MikeNewYork

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Have you been eating goat?
 

Ajay 123

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When are you going to submit this piece of writing to your English teacher, Ajay 123?

I tried to translate a short story from my native language in order to improve my English. Below is continuation of the story. Please review for any correcton.

"I couldn't believe what you said,you do one thing,take a goat from the farm and feed the goat twice as much as than usual for a month,then let's see whether the weight of the goat increased?" added Birbal. As per Akbar(King) instruction Birbal(Akbar's adviser) took a goat to the palace premises. He also assigned a worker from the palace for goathered feeding to the goat twice of than usual on a daily basis. As soon as worker left in the evening,Birbal ordered a butcher to stand with a knife infront of the goat for a whole night. This continued for a month.

Eventhough the goat fed through out the day,feeded food did not stain on it's body as the goat saw the butcher with a knife. Akbar checked weight of the goat after one month and found astonished as it was same weight. Akbar questioned Birbal "Why that goat hasn't gained weight even we feeded twice than usual for a month"?


Moral of the story:....?
 
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Tarheel

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The past tense of feed is fed. Example:

A. Did you feed the dog?
B. Yes, I fed the dog.​

"I couldn't believe what you said,you do one thing,take a goat from the farm and feed the goat twice as much as than usual for a month,then let's see whether the weight of the goat increased?" added Birbal.

Try:

"I can't believe what you said. You want to pick out a goat from the farm and feed it twice as much as usual for a month, then check to see if the weight of the goat has increased?" Birbal asked.

:)
 

Tarheel

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When you are telling a story you want every sentence to naturally follow the previous one. However, the transition from sentence 1 to sentence 2 is not natural.

As per Akbar(King) instruction Birbal(Akbar's adviser) took a goat to the palace premises. He also assigned a worker from the palace for goathered feeding to the goat twice of than usual on a daily basis. As soon as worker left in the evening,Birbal ordered a butcher to stand with a knife infront of the goat for a whole night. This continued for a month.

Try:

As per Kind Akbar's instructions, Birbal (Akbar's advisor) took a goat to the palace premises. He also assigned a worker from the palace twice the amount of its usual feed every day. Birbal also ordered a butcher (starting after the worker left) to stand in front of the goat with a knife all night long. That continued for a month.​

Even though the goat was fed through out the day,feeded food did not stain on its body as the goat saw the butcher with a knife.

Since I have no idea what you are trying to say, I have no idea what to change that to.
:-?

Akbar checked weight of the goat after one month and found astonished as it was same weight. Akbar questioned Birbal "Why that goat hasn't gained weight even we feeded twice than usual for a month"?

Try:

Akbar weighed the goat after one month and was astonished to discover that it was the same weight as it was at the beginning. Akbar asked Birbal: "Why hasn't the goat gained weight even though we fed it twice the usual amount for a month?"​


Moral of the story:....?

It's a waste of time to overfeed a goat?
:)
 

Ajay 123

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Since I have no idea what you are trying to say, I have no idea what to change that to.
:-?


I want to say " Goat scared to saw the butcher on every night when he had a knife. Due to this goat doesn't benefit on its body, eventhough fed twice the amount of its usual".
 
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Tarheel

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I want to say " Goat scared to saw the butcher on every night when he had a knife. Due to this goat doesn't benefit on its body, eventhough feeded twice the amount of its usual".

Say:

The goat was scared because of seeing the butcher holding a knife. Because of that the goat didn't gain any weight even though it was fed twice the usual amount of food.

:up:​
 

Ajay 123

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Moral of the story:

Birbal explained to Akbar " King! This will apply in the case of humans too. Eventhough we eat healthy food items the same would not stain(benefit) on our body if we have fear in mind. It is better to eat lesser food without fear than panic in the minds of eating nourish foods" Akbar accepted Birbal's opinion.

The appropriate title for this story would be " Weight of the goat". Are the members able to modify the thread title once posted? If yes,kindly guide me that where the option is?
 
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Tarheel

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Moral of the story:

Birbal explained to Akbar " King! This will apply in the case of humans too. Eventhough we eat healthy food items the same would not stain(benefit) on our body if we have fear in mind. It is better to eat lesser food without fear than panic in the minds of eating nourish foods" Akbar accepted Birbal's opinion.

We don't use either "stain" or "benefit" that way. Also, it is unclear what is meant by "lesser food" (also not an English expression).



The appropriate title for this story would be " Weight of the goat". Are the members able to modify the thread title once posted? If yes,kindly guide me that where the option is?

Yes, the title of a thread can be changed by a moderator or, I think, but the one who created the thread.
:)
 
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