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    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Hindi
      • Home Country:
      • India
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Feb 2015
    • Posts: 4
    #1

    People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment- doing things they like to do-

    People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment- doing things they like to do- rather than doing things they should do.


    In todayís world, life of people is changing so fast and dramatically. Moreover, everyone life are becoming hectic day by day. Moreover, competition is so much that for succeeding from others; people are forgetting to enjoy their life. They donít do what they want to do but they do what they have to do. Therefore I disagree with this statement.

    First, as soon as, kid became child they had admitted in the school. Once they enter in the school they always have pressure of performing well in academic, as well as, parents put extra pressure of activity like dancing, sing, etc.; on their child. So that, child donít get time to doing things, which they like to do.

    Second, university has their so hectic curriculum that if student wants a good grade than they have to fulfill all the requirement of university. Student donít get time to do things they want to do because they have to do project, research, exam preparation; this kind of stuff for university.

    Third, after getting job, people spend more time on job them at home. To perform well in job people do more work than require. Even, People donít care for their health. They do hard work to earn more for their family and for their future. Therefore, they donít get time for themselves to doing things they like to do.

    All the above reasons can prove that people are not doing the thing they like to do. Although, Social media gives some relief to them and so it is also important in your life. Only because of social media people are connected to the outer world.
    Last edited by nikita sonthalia; 26-Feb-2015 at 06:34.

  1. teechar's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Iraq
      • Current Location:
      • Iraq

    • Join Date: Feb 2015
    • Posts: 6,180
    #2

    Re: People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment- doing things they like to

    1 - In your introduction you should set the context, provide some background and write a statement of purpose. Your introduction looks more like a conclusion!

    2 - Your second and third paragraphs are about the same point really which is the pressure from studying. Just use one paragraph for that.

    3 - Pay more attention to your basic grammar and punctuation.

    Also, have a look here:
    https://www.usingenglish.com/resources/essays/

    Try again and we'll look at your work.

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