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    #1

    Product certificate text - proofreading (2 sentences)

    Hello everybody. It's my first post, but I've been visiting this forum for a long time (thanks to Google).
    I am making an electronic product and I wanted to include a certificate in the box. The certificate includes product serial number and its aim is to assure user that this product is of highest quality. This is what I have written:

    CERTIFICATE
    This is to certify that this original product by [BRAND_NAME] was designed, built and tested with the utmost care in order to ascertain highest level of user satisfaction.
    Thorough quality control revealed no defects in any visual or functional aspects of the product.

    That's it, just 2 sentences. But because it is so short, I wouldn't want it to have any kind of grammar mistake in it, especially because it is so formal :D

    If you could give me your opinion on it, it would be great.

    Thank you in advance.

    Ros

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    #2

    Re: Product certificate text - proofreading (2 sentences)

    CERTIFICATE
    This is to certify that this original product by [BRAND_NAME] was has been designed, built and tested with the utmost care in order to ascertain achieve the highest level of user satisfaction.

    ThoroughStringent quality control revealed has ensured no defects in any visual or functional aspects of the product.

    not a teacher

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    #3

    Re: Product certificate text - proofreading (2 sentences)

    Great, thank you. 'Has been designed sounds better than 'was designed'. And thanks for the word stringent, I didn't know that.

    Cheers,
    Ros

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    #4

    Re: Product certificate text - proofreading (2 sentences)

    Quote Originally Posted by rosenior View Post
    Hello everybody.

    CERTIFICATE
    This is to certify that this original product by [BRAND_NAME] was designed, built and tested with the utmost care in order to ascertain highest level of user satisfaction.
    Thorough quality control revealed no defects in any visual or functional aspects of the product.
    The word "ascertain" (in the first sentence) is incorrect. To ascertain something is to find out what it is. Instead, you want to achieve (or attain) the highest user satisfaction possible. (So Tedmc's advice was right.) I guess you could say that quality control ensures lack of defects, because in theory any products that are found to have defects will not be shipped. (At least, I would hope not.)



    http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/ascertain?s=t

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    #5

    Re: Product certificate text - proofreading (2 sentences)

    Thanks a lot. So achieve instead of ascertain, got it.

    I'm not so convienced about ensuring no defects. It makes sense, but I don't think that's what I want to say (even though it's very similar). I don't think I want the quality control to ensure the user about lack of defects. I want to state that during tests we didn't find any defects, which doesn't necessarily mean there aren't any... We are not ensuring anything other than the fact that we did our best to design, build and test it. We can't ensure the product is perfect, but we can ensure that we tried our best to make sure it is. So in this case reveal no defects during quality check is more appealing to me than ensure no defects during quality check.

    Is there something wrong with revealing no defects? Maybe there is some better way to put it? What I want to say is that we performed quality check process and we found that the product is okay. We are not ensuring it's perfect, we are just saying that we have tested it and we didn't find anything wrong (doesn't mean there isn't anything wrong!).

    If reveal no defects is okay, that would leave me with this:

    CERTIFICATE
    This is to certify that this original product by [BRAND_NAME] has been designed, built and tested with utmost care in order to achieve the highest level of user satisfaction.
    Stringent quality control revealed no defects in any visual or functional aspects of the product.
    Does this sound okay?

    Couple of questions, if you could clarify these to me, I would be very grateful.
    1. Why has been designed... instead of was designed...? First one sounds better, I agree, but I would say that the second one sounds more correct, because the design, build and test processes are finished.
    2. Why utmost care instead of the utomost care?
    3. Why are we saying user satisfaction and not user's satisfaction?
    4. Finally, no defects in any visual or functional aspect or no defects in any visual or functional aspects?

    Thanks, you both have been very helpful.
    Last edited by rosenior; 06-Mar-2015 at 00:00. Reason: typo

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    #6

    Re: Product certificate text - proofreading (2 sentences)

    1. Why has been designed... instead of was designed...? First one sounds better, I agree, but I would say that the second one sounds more correct, because the design, build and test processes are finished.
    2. Why utmost care instead of the utomost care?
    3. Why are we saying user satisfaction and not user's satisfaction?
    4. Finally, no defects in any visual or functional aspect or no defects in any visual or functional aspects?

    Those are good questions.

    1. The past tense is correct but the present perfect sounds better. The past tense merely states a fact. The present perfect states that something has been carried out/accomplished, which is closer to what you are trying to say.

    2. The definite article is not required as there is nothing specific about 'care'.

    3. User satisfaction, using user as an adjective, is preferred.

    4. The plural is preferred.

    Of course it is not realistic to achieve zero defect in any product. You can say: stringent quality control ensures minimal defects..stringent quality control minimises defects...

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Product certificate text - proofreading (2 sentences)

    Quote Originally Posted by rosenior View Post
    Thanks a lot. So achieve instead of ascertain, got it.

    I'm not so convinced about ensuring no defects. It makes sense, but I don't think that's what I want to say (even though it's very similar). I don't think I want the quality control to ensure the user about lack of defects. I want to state that during tests we didn't find any defects, which doesn't necessarily mean there aren't any... We are not ensuring anything other than the fact that we did our best to design, build and test it. We can't ensure the product is perfect, but we can ensure that we tried our best to make sure it is. So in this case reveal no defects during quality check is more appealing to me than ensure no defects during quality check.

    Is there something wrong with revealing no defects? Maybe there is some better way to put it? What I want to say is that we performed quality check process and we found that the product is okay. We are not ensuring it's perfect, we are just saying that we have tested it and we didn't find anything wrong (doesn't mean there isn't anything wrong!).

    If reveal no defects is okay, that would leave me with this:

    Does this sound okay?

    Couple of questions, if you could clarify these to me, I would be very grateful.
    1. Why has been designed... instead of was designed...? First one sounds better, I agree, but I would say that the second one sounds more correct, because the design, build and test processes are finished.
    2. Why utmost care instead of the utmost care?
    3. Why are we saying user satisfaction and not user's satisfaction?
    4. Finally, no defects in any visual or functional aspect or no defects in any visual or functional aspects?

    Thanks, you both have been very helpful.
    You have removed those phrases from their contexts, which makes it harder for me to be sure I am answering them correctly. In any case, you are right about quality control. To answer your additional questions:

    1. I made no comment on that, and that was itself a comment.
    2. I am perfectly fine with the utmost care. (Example: "We took the utmost care....")
    3. The phrase "user satisfaction" is a noun phrase in which the adjective comes after the noun. (Or the other way around. Take your pick.)
    4. Either one. (Whatever makes you happy.)


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    #8

    Re: Product certificate text - proofreading (2 sentences)

    Thank you Tarheel and tedmc. You have been very helpful, I really appreciate it.

    @Tarheel: Those question didn't refer only to your post, but also tedmc's post. So they were just a general questions referring to what all three of us have written, asking why certain choices have been made in these sentences.

    Thank you, both of you have been very kind.

    Ros

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    #9

    Re: Product certificate text - proofreading (2 sentences)

    Feel free to ask more questions.

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