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  1. Vincen't Wong's Avatar
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    #1

    could anyone help me to check my writing ? 6

    practice makes perfect

    Question:
    You are a computer enthusiast and you often download music and movies. Write a letter to the editor of the Young Post commenting on the rights and wrongs of downloading entertainment from the Internet and whether you think people will continue to break the law when they risk being prosecuted. Sign your letter "Chris Wong".

    Dear editor,
    Recently, a person has been convicted because he uploaded many movies and music to the Internet and allowed others to download them freely. It raises my concerns about the current problem of infringing copyright through Internet. I am writing to express my view on the pros and cons of downloading entertainment from the websites and discuss whether people will continue to break the law to download these infringing products.

    Many companies claimed that they lost much money because of the phenomenon of illegal download. Take manufacturing music CDs as an example, manufacturers need to spend plenty of money to hire singers, staffs and daily expenses. As a result, they hope that they can get enough profit by selling CDs to compensate for the daily expenses. In the presence of illegal downloading, customers no longer buy their CDs but download them form websites freely. Many small companies will thus lose so much profit and may go bankrupt. It is the disaster of all the companies.

    Also, infringing copyright is showing no respect to the products and the law. Many manufacturers put all their efforts and time for the products. However, customers just steal their painstaking products freely. It is not fair to the manufacturers because that means their endeavor is in vain. Also, these unscrupulous people share the downloading links on every website to challenge the law. It is not a good phenomenon to our city’s future.

    On the other hand, illegal downing form website can benefit many impoverished people. Some poor people cannot afford the expensive price of the products. For example, poor students usually do not have enough extra money to buy expensive examination past papers or exercises. However, they can download these learning materials through the website so that they could do more practices before the public examination free of charge. The method can thus increases their learning performance and even quality of lives.

    Besides, some songs or movies became famous because of illegal downing. Thanks to the website, all people can have chance to download a wide variety of products and fully understand products’ quality before they buy it. A singer Bruno Mars was not popular in the past. However, more and more people had liked and listened his first song called grenade by illegal downloading and in YouTube so that a lot of people were willing to buy his CDs. Therefore, we can see that it is a tool to promote or advertise songs, movies and even singers and companies.

    I believe that people will continue to break the law to downing songs or movies in websites. It is because the convicted person is the sharing one but not the downloading one. Illegal downing is still safe if we do not share any things on website and allow others to down them.

    In addition, police have difficulty to find and catch the criminals because they are anonymous on the website. They also know how to hide themselves in the Internet like replacing IP addresses. Also, Almost all the people had experiences of illegal downing. Police is not possible to catch all of them.

    There are rights and wrongs of illegal downloading. I hope that government could do more to stop the criminal incidents form the happening.

    Yours faithfully,
    Chris Wong

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: could anyone help me to check my writing ? 6

    1. Is this somebody's homework?
    2. Do you know the difference between uploading and downloading?

    ~Ron

  3. Vincen't Wong's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: could anyone help me to check my writing ? 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    1. Is this somebody's homework?
    2. Do you know the difference between uploading and downloading?

    ~Ron
    I did it myself. because i am going to take IELTS writing test

  4. teechar's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: could anyone help me to check my writing ? 6

    Some comments:
    1- Try changing/fixing the highlighted text.
    2- Write about music publishers (not CD manufacturers) in your second paragraph. Remember that you don't necessarily need CDs to buy music anymore; you can download music legally too!
    3- Write about the intellectual rights of the artist, musician or inventor ... etc. in your third paragraph.
    4- You gave an example in your fourth paragraph about downloading exam materials, but remember the question specifically asked about music, movies and entertainment products.
    5- The sixth paragraph is unclear and not well thought out. Re-plan it and merge it with the last two sentences!




    Dear editor,
    Recently, a person has been convicted because he uploaded many movies and music to the Internet and allowed others to download them freely. It raises my concerns about the current problem of infringing copyright through Internet. I am writing to express my view on the pros and cons of downloading entertainment from the websites and discuss whether people will continue to break the law to download these infringing products.

    Many companies claimed that they lost much money because of the phenomenon of illegal download. Take manufacturing music CDs as an example, manufacturers need to spend plenty of money to hire singers, staffs and daily expenses. As a result, they hope that they can get enough profit by selling CDs to compensate for the daily expenses. In the presence of illegal downloading, customers no longer buy their CDs but download them form websites freely. Many small companies will thus lose so much profit and may go bankrupt. It is the disaster of all the companies.

    Also, infringing copyright is showing no respect to the products and the law. Many manufacturers put all their efforts and time for the products. However, customers just steal their painstaking products freely. It is not fair to the manufacturers because that means their endeavor is in vain. Also, these unscrupulous people share the downloading links on every website to challenge the law. It is not a good phenomenon to our city’s future.

    On the other hand, illegal downing form website can benefit many impoverished people. Some poor people cannot afford the expensive price of the products . For example, poor students usually do not have enough extra money to buy expensive examination past papers or exercises. Howev er, they can download these learning materials through the website so that they could do more practices before the public examination free of charge. The method can thus increases their learning performance and even quality of lives.

    Besides, some songs or movies became famous because of illegal downing . Thanks to the website, all people can have chance to download a wide variety of products and fully understand products’ quality before they buy it. A singer Bruno Mars was not popular in the past. However, more and more people had liked and listened his first song called grenade by illegal downloading and in YouTube so that a lot of people were willing to buy his CDs. Therefore, we can see that it is a tool to promote or advertise songs, movies and even singers and companies.

    I believe that people will continue to break the law to downing songs or movies in websites. It is because the convicted person is the sharing one but not the downloading one. Illegal downing is still safe if we do not share any things on website and allow others to down them.

    In addition, police have difficulty to find and catch the criminals because they are anonymous on the website. They also know how to hide themselves in the Internet like replacing IP addresses. Also, Almost all the people had experiences of illegal downing. Police is not possible to catch all of them.

    There are rights and wrongs of illegal downloading. I hope that government could do more to stop the criminal incidents form the happening.

    Yours faithfully,
    Chris Wong

  5. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: could anyone help me to check my writing ? 6

    Quote Originally Posted by Vincen't Wong View Post

    Dear editor,
    Recently, a person has been convicted because he uploaded many movies and songs to the Internet and allowed others to download them freely. It raises my concerns about the current problem of infringing copyrights through the Internet. I am writing to express my views on the pros and cons of downloading entertainment from the websites and discuss whether people will continue to break the law to download these infringing products.
    What was the person convicted of? (Copyright infringement?) Do you want to express your views on the subject or state what the pros and cons are?

  6. Vincen't Wong's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: could anyone help me to check my writing ? 6

    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    Some comments:
    1- Try changing/fixing the highlighted text.
    2- Write about music publishers (not CD manufacturers) in your second paragraph. Remember that you don't necessarily need CDs to buy music anymore; you can download music legally too!
    3- Write about the intellectual rights of the artist, musician or inventor ... etc. in your third paragraph.
    4- You gave an example in your fourth paragraph about downloading exam materials, but remember the question specifically asked about music, movies and entertainment products.
    5- The sixth paragraph is unclear and not well thought out. Re-plan it and merge it with the last two sentences!




    Dear editor,
    Recently, a person has been convicted because he uploaded many movies and music to the Internet and allowed others to download them freely. It raises my concerns about the current problem of infringing copyright through Internet. I am writing to express my view on the pros and cons of downloading entertainment from the websites and discuss whether people will continue to break the law to download these infringing products.

    Many companies claimed that they lost much money because of the phenomenon of illegal download. Take manufacturing music CDs as an example, manufacturers need to spend plenty of money to hire singers, staffs and daily expenses. As a result, they hope that they can get enough profit by selling CDs to compensate for the daily expenses. In the presence of illegal downloading, customers no longer buy their CDs but download them form websites freely. Many small companies will thus lose so much profit and may go bankrupt. It is the disaster of all the companies.

    Also, infringing copyright is showing no respect to the products and the law. Many manufacturers put all their efforts and time for the products. However, customers just steal their painstaking products freely. It is not fair to the manufacturers because that means their endeavor is in vain. Also, these unscrupulous people share the downloading links on every website to challenge the law. It is not a good phenomenon to our city’s future.

    On the other hand, illegal downing form website can benefit many impoverished people. Some poor people cannot afford the expensive price of the products . For example, poor students usually do not have enough extra money to buy expensive examination past papers or exercises. Howev er, they can download these learning materials through the website so that they could do more practices before the public examination free of charge. The method can thus increases their learning performance and even quality of lives.

    Besides, some songs or movies became famous because of illegal downing . Thanks to the website, all people can have chance to download a wide variety of products and fully understand products’ quality before they buy it. A singer Bruno Mars was not popular in the past. However, more and more people had liked and listened his first song called grenade by illegal downloading and in YouTube so that a lot of people were willing to buy his CDs. Therefore, we can see that it is a tool to promote or advertise songs, movies and even singers and companies.

    I believe that people will continue to break the law to downing songs or movies in websites. It is because the convicted person is the sharing one but not the downloading one. Illegal downing is still safe if we do not share any things on website and allow others to down them.

    In addition, police have difficulty to find and catch the criminals because they are anonymous on the website. They also know how to hide themselves in the Internet like replacing IP addresses. Also, Almost all the people had experiences of illegal downing. Police is not possible to catch all of them.

    There are rights and wrongs of illegal downloading. I hope that government could do more to stop the criminal incidents form the happening.

    Yours faithfully,
    Chris Wong
    I am glad to receive your reply!
    I have changed some mistakes as many as i can, and i hope that i could receive your instructions again
    Last edited by Vincen't Wong; 07-Mar-2015 at 10:55.

  7. Vincen't Wong's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: could anyone help me to check my writing ? 6

    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    Some comments:
    1- Try changing/fixing the highlighted text.
    2- Write about music publishers (not CD manufacturers) in your second paragraph. Remember that you don't necessarily need CDs to buy music anymore; you can download music legally too!
    3- Write about the intellectual rights of the artist, musician or inventor ... etc. in your third paragraph.
    4- You gave an example in your fourth paragraph about downloading exam materials, but remember the question specifically asked about music, movies and entertainment products.
    5- The sixth paragraph is unclear and not well thought out. Re-plan it and merge it with the last two sentences!




    Dear editor,
    Recently, a person has been convicted because he uploaded many movies and music to the Internet and allowed others to download them freely. It raises my concerns about the current problem of infringing copyright through Internet. I am writing to express my view on the pros and cons of downloading entertainment from the websites and discuss whether people will continue to break the law to download these infringing products.

    Many companies claimed that they lost much money because of the phenomenon of illegal download. Take manufacturing music CDs as an example, manufacturers need to spend plenty of money to hire singers, staffs and daily expenses. As a result, they hope that they can get enough profit by selling CDs to compensate for the daily expenses. In the presence of illegal downloading, customers no longer buy their CDs but download them form websites freely. Many small companies will thus lose so much profit and may go bankrupt. It is the disaster of all the companies.

    Also, infringing copyright is showing no respect to the products and the law. Many manufacturers put all their efforts and time for the products. However, customers just steal their painstaking products freely. It is not fair to the manufacturers because that means their endeavor is in vain. Also, these unscrupulous people share the downloading links on every website to challenge the law. It is not a good phenomenon to our city’s future.

    On the other hand, illegal downing form website can benefit many impoverished people. Some poor people cannot afford the expensive price of the products . For example, poor students usually do not have enough extra money to buy expensive examination past papers or exercises. Howev er, they can download these learning materials through the website so that they could do more practices before the public examination free of charge. The method can thus increases their learning performance and even quality of lives.

    Besides, some songs or movies became famous because of illegal downing . Thanks to the website, all people can have chance to download a wide variety of products and fully understand products’ quality before they buy it. A singer Bruno Mars was not popular in the past. However, more and more people had liked and listened his first song called grenade by illegal downloading and in YouTube so that a lot of people were willing to buy his CDs. Therefore, we can see that it is a tool to promote or advertise songs, movies and even singers and companies.

    I believe that people will continue to break the law to downing songs or movies in websites. It is because the convicted person is the sharing one but not the downloading one. Illegal downing is still safe if we do not share any things on website and allow others to down them.

    In addition, police have difficulty to find and catch the criminals because they are anonymous on the website. They also know how to hide themselves in the Internet like replacing IP addresses. Also, Almost all the people had experiences of illegal downing. Police is not possible to catch all of them.

    There are rights and wrongs of illegal downloading. I hope that government could do more to stop the criminal incidents form the happening.

    Yours faithfully,
    Chris Wong

    Dear editor,
    Recently, a person has been convicted becausehe uploaded many movies and music to the Internet and allowed others to download them freely. It raises my concerns with the current problem of infringing copyright in the Internet. I am writing to express my view on the pros and cons of downloading entertainment on websites and discuss whether people will continue to break the law to download these infringing products.

    Many companies claimed that they lost much money because of the phenomenon of illegal download. Take music publishers as an example, they need to spend plenty of money to hire singers, staffs and daily expenses. As a result, they hope that they can get enough profit by the selling of products to compensate for the daily expenses. In the presence of illegal downloading, customers no longer buy their CDs or download music from ITunes legally but download them form websites freely. Many small companies will thus lose so much profit and may go bankrupt. It is the disaster of all the companies.

    Also, infringing copyright is showing no respect to the products and the law of intellectual right. Many publishers put all their efforts and time for the products. However, customers just steal their painstaking products freely. It is not fair to the inventors and artists because that means their endeavor is in vain. Also, these unscrupulous people share the downloading links on every website to challenge the law. No one respect and appreciate for original creation so it may reduce their enthusiasm on creating new products in the future. It is not a good phenomenon to our city’s future development.

    On the other hand, illegal downloading form websites can benefit. many poor people who cannot afford the expensive price of many products . For example, poor students usually do not have enough spare money to pay for expensive examination past papers or exercises. However, they can download these learning materials on the website so that they could do more practices before public examination free of charge. That method can thus enhances their learning achievement and even quality of life.

    Besides, some songs or movies became famous because of illegal downloading. Thanks to the Internet, all of the people can have chance to download a wide variety of products and fully understand quality of the products before they buy it. A singer Bruno Mars was not popular in the past. However, more and more people liked and listened his first song called grenade by illegal downloading and on YouTube so that a lot of people were willing to buy his CDs. Therefore, we can see that illegal downloading is a tool to promote or advertise songs, movies and even singers and companies.

    I believe that people will continue to break the law to download songs or movies on websites. It is because the person who are convicted shared too much illegal entertainment products on website. However, there was no one got caught due to downloading these products on website. As a result, illegal downloading will be safe as long as we do not share anything on website and allow others to download them.

    In addition, police have difficulty to find and catch the criminals because they are anonymous on the website. They also know how to hide themselves on the Internet like replacing IP addresses. Also, Almost all of the people had experiences of illegal downing. Police is not possible to catch all of them.

    There are rights and wrongs of illegal downloading. I hope that government could do more to stop the criminal incidents form the happening.

    Yours faithfully,
    Chris Wong

  8. teechar's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: could anyone help me to check my writing ? 6

    Dear editor,
    Recently, a person has been convicted because he uploaded many movies and music to the Internet and allowed others to download them freely. That case highlights the current problem of infringing copyright using the Internet. I am writing to express my view on the pros and cons of downloading entertainment from websites and discuss whether people will continue to break the law by downloading these products illegally.

    Many companies claim that they lose much money because of the phenomenon of illegal downloading. Take music publishers as an example; they need to spend plenty of money to hire singers and support staff and daily expenses to cover various other costs. As a result, they hope that they can get enough profit by the selling of their products to customers compensate for the daily expenses. In the presence of illegal downloading, some customers no longer buy their CDs or download music from such sites as ITunes legally, but rather download them form websites freely. Many small companies will thus lose so much profit and may even go bankrupt. It is theSuch a situation would represent financial disaster of all the companies for music publishers if it continues.

    Also, infringing copyright is showing no respect for the creativity of the artist, musician or inventor of entertainment productsto the products and the law of intellectual right. Many publishers Those people painstakingly put all their efforts and time into the making of their for the products. However, customers who download illegally are just stealing those their painstaking products freely. It is not fair to the inventors and artists because that means their endeavor is in vain. Also, these unscrupulous people share the downloading links on every website the Internet to challenge in breach of the law. No oneThe lack of respect and appreciation for original creation so it may reduce their innovators' enthusiasm on for creating new products in the future. It is not a good phenomenon to our city’s future development.

    On the other hand, illegal downloading form websites can benefit. many poor people who cannot afford the expensive price of many electronic products. For example, poor students usually do not have enough spare money to pay for expensive examination past papers or exercises. However, they can download these learning materials from the Internet so that they could do have more practices before public examinations free of charge. That method can thus enhances their learning achievement and even quality of life their chances of success in life.

    Besides, some songs or movies became famous because of illegal downloading. Thanks to the Internet, all of the people can have the chance to download a wide variety of products and to fully understand the quality of those products before they buy them it. A singer Bruno Mars was not popular in the past. However, more and more people listened to and liked his first song, called "Grenade" by illegally downloading it and or watching it on YouTube so that a lot of people were willing to buy his CDs subsequently. Therefore, we can see that illegal downloading is a tool to promote or advertise songs, movies and even singers and companies.

    I believe that people will continue to break the law to download songs or movies on websites. It is because those person who get are convicted are the ones who shared too much illegal entertainment products on the Internet, website. However, not those who download occasionally there was no one got caught due to downloading these products on website. As a result, illegal downloading will be safe as long as we do not share anything on website and allow others to download them.

    In addition, police have difficulty to find and catch illegal downloaders the criminals because they are anonymous on the Internetwebsite. and because they also know how to hide themselves on the Internet like such as by replacing IP addresses. Also, almost allof the people had experiences of illegal downing, so it's not feasible for the police Police is not possible to catch all of them.

    There are rights and wrongs with of illegal downloading. I hope that the authorities and relevant parties government could do more to resolve this issuestop the criminal incidents form the happening.

    Yours faithfully,
    Chris Wong

  9. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #9

    Re: could anyone help me to check my writing ? 6

    1. A person has to be convicted of something.
    2. You can't have many musics.
    3. Teechar did make some good suggestions. (post #4).
    4. The police might have difficulty finding and catching someone.


  10. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #10

    Re: could anyone help me to check my writing ? 6

    The term is copyright infringement.

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