[Application] Master motivation letter: could someone check it for me?

[anna1212]

Hi everyone! I have to write a motivation letter for a Master in management at Erasmus University, could anyone check it? Any advice is more than welcome!! Thanks in advance

Dear Sir or Madame,

I am writing in order to apply to your Master in Management for the September intake. My ultimate career goal is to work in a consultancy company and, attending your program, would represent a large step towards reaching my goal.

I have chosen your University for two main reasons. Firstly, Erasmus University, being ranked among the top global institutions for what concerns Business sciences, has an outstanding reputation, not only in the Netherlands, but also throughout Europe and this would be a great help when approaching the business world once graduated. Secondly, what I was looking for while going through the programs of many Universities was one, which gave to internationality a genuine relevance. To me it is fundamental to attend a program that brings together students from all over the world, creating an opportunity to develop a wide and diverse network that will eventually become very helpful during my career.

Finally, being aware of how much the international dimension means in your Institution, I would like to point out what my experience was up until now.
Having had the opportunity to travel outside of Italy since I was a child, I developed a strong passion towards different countries, cultures but mostly, towards different people. I therefore spent months abroad learning new languages, in Portugal, England and Germany, during my High School years, I attended an entire Bocconi elective Course in a partner University in Vancouver and I carried out an Internship in Prague.
Thanks to this passion I now can speak three different languages beside Italian, and I have collected unforgettable and inestimable memories and life-lessons. This passion turned into a need and I believe that Erasmus University offers an environment in which I would fit perfectly.

I consider my self to be a suitable candidate for the program because of my background and my character. Having earned a Bachelor Degree from Bocconi University, the most prestigious one in Italy, I already know what it means to study with highly prepared and competitive students. That experience made me realize how, sharing my education path with people who have my same interests and are as determined as I am, motivates me to give the best of me in order to reach my goal. This means that studying at a prestigious University such as your, would push me to work harder than ever.
Attending Bocconi meant also moving form my hometown to Milan and that, along with my experiences in Vancouver and Prague, helped me shaping my character. I became very responsible and mature, which means that today I am perfectly capable of handling an international experience. Finally, working during my bachelor degree in order to gain monetary independency from my family, I had to cope the working hours with the study ones without affecting my grades, which made me a hard working person and increased my organisational skills.


Thank you for considering my request, I look forward to your response,


Sincerely,

 

[Tarheel]

Hi everyone! I have to write a motivation letter for a Master in management at Erasmus University. Could someone check it? Any advice would be more than welcome!! [STRIKE]Thanks in advance [/STRIKE]

I don't think you want advice from just anyone, so I replaced that word with someone. (I am pretty sure you want advice from someone who is fluent in English.)

Dear Sir or Madame,

I am writing in order to apply to your Master in Management for the September intake. My ultimate career goal is to work in a consultancy company and attending your program would represent a large step towards reaching my goal.

I suggest that you find out who you need to write you and that you address your letter to that person.



http://www.eur.nl/english/

 

[Tarheel]

I have chosen your University for two main reasons. Firstly, Erasmus University, being ranked among the top global institutions for what concerns business sciences, has an outstanding reputation, not only in the Netherlands, but also throughout Europe and this would be a great help to me when approaching the business world once graduated. Secondly, what I was looking for while going through the programs of many Universities was one which gave to internationality a genuine relevance. To me it is fundamental to attend a program that brings together students from all over the world, creating an opportunity to develop a wide and diverse network that will eventually become very helpful to my career.

Do not capitalize "business" unless it it part of the name of the course. What do you mean by "approaching the business world"? Applying for jobs? What is meant by "one which gave to internationality a genuine relevance"?

 

[teechar]

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing in order to apply for your Master in Management for the September intake. My ultimate career goal is to work in a consultancy company and, attending your program, would represent a large step towards reaching my goal.

I have chosen your university for two main reasons. Firstly, Erasmus University, being ranked among the top global institutions for business sciences, has an outstanding reputation, not only in the Netherlands, but also throughout Europe and this would be a great help when approaching the business world once I graduate. Secondly, what I was looking for while going through the programs of many universities was a genuine international perspective. To me it is fundamental to attend a program that brings together students from all over the world, creating an opportunity to develop a wide and diverse network that will eventually become very helpful during their career.

Furthermore, I would like to point out some of my qualities and experience to you.
Having had the opportunity to travel outside of Italy since I was a child, I developed a strong passion towards different countries cultures and people. I spent months abroad learning new languages, in Portugal, England and Germany, during my High School years. I also attended an entire Bocconi elective Course in a partner University in Vancouver and I completed an Internship in Prague.

Thanks to this passion I now can speak three different languages beside Italian, and I have collected unforgettable and inestimable memories and life-lessons. This passion continues in me and I believe that Erasmus University offers an environment in which I would fit perfectly.

I consider myself to be a suitable candidate for the program because of my background and my character. Having earned a bachelor's degree from Bocconi University, which is amongst the most prestigious in Italy, I already know what it means to study with highly prepared and competitive students. That experience made me realize how, sharing my education path with people who share the same interests and are as determined as I am, motivates me to do my best in order to reach my goal. This means that studying at a prestigious university such as your, would push me to work harder than ever.
Attending Bocconi meant also moving form my hometown to Milan and that, along with my experiences in Vancouver and Prague, helped in shaping my character. I became very responsible and mature, which means that today I am perfectly capable of handling an international experience. Finally, working during my bachelor's degree in order to gain financial independence from my family, I had to organize my work and study times and maintain my high grades, which made me a hard working person and enhanced my organisational skills.


Thank you for considering my request, and I look forward to your response,


Sincerely,